这是我每一天当中最好的时刻 This is the best part of my day, every day.
我一直想当爸爸 花了我46年的时间才实现 I always wanted to be a dad. It just took 46 years for it to happen.
别人问我为什么 我就让他们滚开 When people ask me why, I tell 'em to fuck off.
或者我就说我还没遇见我的真命天女 Or I just say I hadn't met the right woman yet.
现在她就在那里了 莉亚 Ah, there she is. Leah.
肚子里已经有了第二个 依然很美 Got the second one in the oven, and she still looks great.
据她所说 我之所以这么晚才成爹 According to her, the reason I got such a late start
是因为我有个不幸的童年 is because I had an unhappy childhood.
但我不会抱怨 But I'm not gonna whine about it.
我又不是素食主义者 That's what vegans do.
我只希望我的孩子们 能准备好面对这个世界的一切 I'm just gonna make sure my kids are prepared for whatever this world has to offer.
慢点 Slow down.
不幸的是 我已经不知道那会是什么了 Unfortunately, I have no idea what that is anymore.
不知道为什么 我没法把孩子留在车里 For some reason, I can't leave my kid in the car
自己去便利店买东西 to run into a convenience store,
而那个便利店卖的食物全是激素 but that same store can sell him food so full of hormones
他吃了 到三年级就得长胡子 he'll be able to grow a beard by the third grade.
但没人在乎 But nobody gives a shit
因为都忙着在网上看小黄片打飞机呢 because they're too busy jerking off to Internet porn.
兄弟 Buddy.
你怎么样啊 小杰宝? - What do you say there, Jackie boy?
- 该死的... - 你去吧 - Oh, you motherfucking-- - You're up.
我要杀了那个小混球! Goddamn. I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch!
嘿!把棍子给我! Hey! Give me the stick! Give me the stick! Give me the stick!
嘿 小家伙 怎么了?你没事吧? Hey, buddy. What happened? You all right?
科林推我了 Colin pushed me.
是的 我知道 Yeah, I know he did.
如果你玩危险的游戏 就会发生危险的事情 对吗? I told you if you play rough, rough things are gonna happen, right?
-来 我看看 -科林 把棍子给我! - Here, let me see. - Colin, give me the stick!
还好 抹点土就行了小家伙 Ah, that's not so bad. Just rub some dirt on it, buddy.
就这样 There you go.
你还是带他去检查一下 或者涂点抗生素软膏 You might wanna get him checked or at least put a little Neosporin on it.
有可能感染的 That thing could get infected.
- 你是谁? - 我是亨特·路易 - Who are you? - I'm, uh, Hunter Lewis.
我是丽莎的丈夫 我们住在对面 谢谢你们邀请我 Lisa's husband. Just moved in across the street. Thanks for having me.
你是医生吗?还是什么网上专家? Oh, yeah? Are you a doctor, or are you just one of those WebMD guys?
这是常识 伤口要保持干净 It's just common knowledge. You wanna keep the cut clean.
是吗?听着 我养的是个男子汉 不是娘娘腔 Oh, is it? Listen, I'm trying to raise a little man here, not a fucking pussy.
谢谢你的关心 So I appreciate your concern.
你干嘛不继续喝你的低度气泡酒 But why don't you just go back to your hard seltzer
上推特分享你做英雄的故事呢? and, you know, go on Twitter and go share the story where you're the hero?
好吧 Okay.
爸爸你说了不好的话 Daddy, you said a bad word.
是的 我知道 小家伙 有时候你不得不这样 Yeah, I know I did, buddy. Sometimes you have to, all right?
别告诉你妈妈 她会杀了我 我爱你 来吧 我们起来 Don't tell your mother. She'll kill me. I love you. Come on. Let's get up.
等一下杰克!等一下! Hang on, Jack! Hang on! Hang on!
科林有话要跟你说 Colin's got something he wants to say to you, kid.
但是爸爸 他先推的我... But, Dad, he pushed me first--
不行 我不管这些 明白吗? Hey, no, no, no. I don't care. Okay?
不可以打人 不可以打朋友 You don't hit somebody with a stick. We don't hit our friends.
我们道歉吧 跟奈特说对不起 Let's apologize now. Say you're sorry to Nate. Come on.
不要! No!
喂 拜托 别哭啊 - Hey, come on. Don't cry.
来吧 没事的孩子 就说声对不起 Come on. It's okay, buddy. Say you're sorry.
我只是让你道个歉 用不着这么抓狂 I'm just asking you to apologize. You don't gotta freak out.
糟了 - Hey, buddy. Ah, shit. - No!
这是怎么回事?他叫什么? Okay, okay. What is going on? Why is he screaming?
他用棍子打了奈特 我让他道歉 Because he hit Nate with a stick, and I told him to apologize.
你现在感受到的 就是你的感受 明白吗? What you're feeling now is what you're feeling, okay?
把它释放出来 Let it out.
- 我觉得这样不... - 我不要你觉得 康纳 - I don't think that-- - I don't need you to think now.
你需要尊重你儿子的自主性 You need to respect your son's autonomy
真正地 让他自己消化这种越界是怎么影响 and really let him process how crossing this boundary
他那不断发展的道德准则的 is affecting his ever-evolving moral code.
我要我的棍子! I want my stick!
棍子在那里? Stick, where is it?
在... It's...
杰克 奈特在学校表现如何? Jack. How's Nate doing in school?
很好 他有些进步了 你们家那个呢? Great, you know. He's comin' along. Uh, how's your little one doing?
他很好 超级棒的 He's great. He's perfect.
是吗? Yeah?
我说兄弟 我... Come on, bro. I...
- 不! - 喂! - No! - Hey, hey, hey!
天啊! Jesus!
我迟早要杀了你 来 我们去喝一杯 I'm gonna murder you. I swear to God. Let's go get a drink. Come on.
- 这他妈是有多可悲? - 他自作自受 - How fucking sad is that? - He did it to himself.
是的 确实 Yes, he did.
- 不要! - 拜托 别这样 - No! - Come on, stop it.
你看到了吗?那孩子简直疯了 Did you see that? That kid is a maniac.
对 他是不太正常 Yeah, he's a lunatic.
我得去说说 这有点过了 I'm gonna say something to Cara. It's too much.
不 什么都别说 No, no, no. Don't say anything.
我不会对她发飙的 我就跟她聊聊 I'm not gonna freak out on her. I'm just gonna talk to her.
- 两个母亲之间的谈话 是当妈的日常 - 迈克 她该去说说吗? - Like, mom to mom. It's what moms do. - Mike, should she say something?
维持友谊的三大最高准则 Three cardinal rules of friendship.
不谈政治 不谈宗教 Don't bring up politics. Don't bring up religion.
还有不要教别人怎么养孩子 And don't try to tell people how to raise their kids.
不好意思 迈克 我不知道你还是谈心节目的主持人呢 Oh, I'm sorry, Mike. I didn't realize you had your own daytime talk show.
哈佛 杜克 Harvard. Duke.
女朋友 前妻 Girlfriend, ex-wife.
- 貌似无懈可击哦 亲爱的 - 貌似而已 - It's kinda airtight, honey. - Mmm, kind of. Not really.
她这话是什么意思? What'd she mean by that?
她就是想怼一怼你 Uh, she's just breaking your balls.
听着 我们很为你们感到高兴 Look, we're happy for you guys.
不知道你什么时候 可以把事情办了 娶了她 We're wondering when you're gonna make an honest woman out of Britney.
我跟你说过了 她不想结婚也不想生小孩 I told you. She doesn't wanna get married. She doesn't wanna have kids.
她想做的只有操我和健身 All she wants to do is fuck me and go to the gym.
牛逼了 迈克 你找到天下无双的宝了 Goddamn, Mike. You found a fucking unicorn.
怎么了? What?
我们是一队的 It's a team sport.
你没事吧 小家伙? You okay, buddy?
老爹们
♪ One life, I'm gonna live it up ♪
(弗兰克餐馆)
(布罗迪·史蒂文斯 818洛杉矶) ♪ I'm takin' flight I said, I'll never get enough ♪
(凯迪拉克之家)
(皮克威克保龄球馆)
(街角小屋餐厅)
♪ Stand tall, I'm young and kinda proud... ♪
三连胜经典
这是我和朋友23年前一起开的公司 This is the company my friends and I started 23 years ago.
我们做高端复古球衣 We make high-end throwback jerseys.
但在别人的劝说下 我答应要卖了公司 But I got talked into selling the company
好让我有钱送儿子去读私立学校 so I could afford to send my son to private school,
那种小孩都打扮得 跟新闻主播一样的学校 where all the kids are dressed like fucking news anchors.
这违背了我所坚信的一切 但为了孩子 我什么都愿意 Goes against everything I believe in, but I'd do anything for my kid.
老兄 你在干什么呢? Dude, what are you doing?
你看起来 就好像刚撞死了一条狗一样 来吧 You look like you just ran over a dog. Come on.
今天可是我们的好日子 It's a great fucking day for us.
是吗? Is it?
我们马上就要变成自己公司的员工了 We're about to become employees of our own company.
杰克 把公司卖掉 老板还留在公司里 Jack, selling a business and the owner staying on
这种事情比发现一个 已经有人的国家还要古老 is older than discovering a country that already has people.
可不是嘛 There you go.
且不说 你合理的抱怨时机应该是在签约前 Not to mention, the time to complain was before we signed the deal.
- 那时我确实抱怨了 - 你什么都抱怨 - I did complain about it. - Yeah, but you complain about everything.
我没有 Oh, I do not.
放轻松 一切都会很好的 Relax. It's gonna be great.
你说得倒轻巧 你是没有一点压力啊 Well, that's easy for you to say. You're home free.
没错 你没有孩子要养 Yeah, that's true. You got no more child support.
- 大学学费也都有了 - 是的 - You got college taken care of. - Yeah.
现在要干嘛呢? 把你孩子的房间租出去吗 抠门鬼? What are gonna do now? Airbnb your kids' rooms, you cheap prick?
你们就笑吧 混蛋 等着看我接下来会有什么吧 Laugh now, motherfuckers, but wait till you see what I got coming next.
好啊 我们等着 Yeah, we'll see. We'll see.
朋友们 好吗? What's up, party people?
- 早上好 各位! - 早上好 - Morning, everyone! - Morning, guys.
早上好 Morning.
你好吗 莫妮卡小姐姐? Monica, what's poppin', girl?
早上好 康纳 Good morning, Connor.
嘿 你有去听利尔·贝比的新歌吗? Yo, you happen to check that new joint from Lil Baby
昨晚刚发在推特上的 dropped on Twitter last night?
- 没有 - 什么?砰 来走一个 - No. - What? Boom. Come on. Pound it out.
不用了 谢谢 Ah, it's okay. Thanks.
- 啊 天哪 - 他又来了 - Oh God. - There he goes again.
可别小瞧利尔·贝比 还有其他叫宝或贝的歌手 Don't sleep on Lil Baby, on any of the babies.
我听说大贝贝很快要出新作品了 绝对会杀疯了 I heard Big Baby got something coming out too. It's gonna be fire.
大贝贝? Big Baby?
没错 你对他完全不了吗? Yeah, you... you peep him yet?
我觉得应该是没有 I don't believe I have, no.
搞什么?他可酷炫了 What? He's fleek.
他可真是酷炫到绝绝子啊 - Oh. - Yeah, he's on fleek. Flickity-fleek.
来吧 康纳 - Connor, come on.
- 好哟 我撤了 - 好的 - Aight. Gotta bounce. - Okay.
爱你哦 小姐姐 爱你哦 朋友们 - One love. One love, girl. One love, y'all. - Okay. Okay.
她永远不会觉得你很酷的 You know, she's never gonna think you're cool.
我很酷的 抱歉让你感受到危机了 I am cool, Jack. I'm sorry that you feel threatened by that.
你给所有人都带来了危机呢 Oh, I think everybody's threatened by it.
好了你们俩 别吵了 我们得给那家伙留个好印象 All right, you two, lock it down. We gotta impress this dude.
你说的“那家伙”是指 年纪只有我们一半的傻逼新老板吗? Wait. By "this dude," you mean the douchebag half our age we now work for?
如果我是你 杰克 我会给他一个机会 I don't know, Jack. If I were you, I'd give him a chance.
我听说阿斯彭的风格 是纯正的协作领导作风 I hear Aspen has a real collaborative leadership style.
就他?那家伙看起来 就像在演一部关于清洁工的音乐剧 That guy? He looks like he's in a musical about janitors.
注意点 杰克 大老板们可喜欢他了 Play nice, Jack. The new owners love him.
要想拿工资 得有工作啊 And if we wanna get paid, we gotta keep our jobs.
先生们 真是荣幸啊 Gentlemen. What an honor.
阿斯彭·贝尔 Aspen Bell.
迈克 - Mike. - Uh-huh.
- 嘿!康纳 - 我也要来一下吗? - Hey! Connor. - Oh! I'm gonna get some of that? Ah!
- 杰克 不错哦 - 嘿 你好吗?没事 - Jack. Good. - Hey, how are you? That's all right.
好嘞 大家都坐吧 别拘束 Okay. Uh, guys. Yeah, have a seat. Get comfortable.
哇!三连胜的三位大将都在了 Wow! The trifecta behind Trifecta.
这巨人的肩膀可够宽的 This is some broad shoulders to stand on, boys.
我们进入正题吧 这是你们的公司 对吧? Let's get right to it. Look, this is your company, right?
你们创立的 You built it.
我想让你们知道 我是真他妈的敬佩你们所做的一切 And I want you to know that I respect the shit out of what you've done here.
我说 真的假的 复古球衣? I mean, come on, throwback jerseys?
你们不仅仅是开创了这个风尚 你们把它做到了完美 You didn't just start the trend. You perfected it.
这布料的透气性 The breathability of this fabric.
一定是神的手缝制的 Must have been sewn by the gods.
实际上是韩国城的勤劳妇女们缝的 Actually, it was sewn together by some hardworking women in Koreatown.
但谢谢你 我们非常自豪 But, uh, thank you. We're, uh, very proud of it.
当然了 And you should be.
你们应该 对你们在这里所做的一切感到自豪 You should be very proud of everything that you've done here.
并且请记住 我的门永远对你们开着 And I want you to know that my door will always be open to you.
不过 我还是得打破一些东西 因为我是个颠覆者 But I'm gonna break some eggs because I'm a disruptor.
这写在我的基因里了 It's in my DNA.
这是什么意思? What does that mean?
意思是我们要掉转枪头了 It means that we're gonna pivot.
现在我们是一个 性别中立 碳中和 属于21世纪的 This company is now a gender-neutral, carbon-neutral,
生活方式服装品牌 21st-century lifestyle apparel brand.
要做的第一步 就是解放所有生于1988年以前的人 And the first step in that is to liberate everyone born before 1988.
为什么?我们所有人吗? For what? All of us?
搞什么啊?那相当于半个公司的人了 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck? That's, like, half the company.
- 冷静点 - 你冷静点 - Calm down, man. - You calm down.
- 走吧 - 达米安35岁了?该死他保养得真好 - Let's go. - Damien's 35? Goddamn, he looks good.
不需要提前两周通知吗? 你不能就这么直接让他们走人 Hey, what happened to two weeks' notice? You can't just kick 'em out.
别碰我 Don't touch me.
这些人为公司付出了全部 These people put their hearts and souls into this business.
所以我们给他们注册了招聘网站 很快他们就会有新工作了 And we signed them up for Zip Recruiter. They're gonna have a new job in no time.
你看 我们生活在一个 指数般快速增长的时代 Look, we are living in an exponential era. Hmm.
杰克 变化和发展 这些事情发生的速度 Jack, change and growth, these things happen faster than they did
要比你年轻时快得多了 when you were young.
看看我 我今年28岁 I mean, look at me.
但我已经 在15家不同的初创公司工作过了 I'm 28 years old, and I've already worked for 15 different start-ups.
- 你觉得这是值得炫耀的吗? - 当然 - Is that something you wanna brag about? - Absolutely.
成功从不顾及你的感受 Success does not care about the way that you feel.
我希望人们都能面带微笑地来我这里 I want people to come in here with a smile on their face,
但他们得有一个穿了防弹衣的灵魂 but I need them to have Kevlar in their souls.
如果这都做不到 If that's too much to ask,
那我可不在乎你干了多久了 then I don't care how long you've been here.
我就要请你离开了 You're gonna be out the door.
这是在威胁我吗? Is that a threat?
不是 这是我坦诚直白的领导风格 No, no. It's just transparent leadership.
我很关心你 Look, I care about you.
实际上 有个女人我想让你去见见 In fact, there is this woman I would love for you to go see.
她是我妈的老朋友了 她成功地帮助了很多人 She's an old friend of my mom. She has had a lot of success
跟你有相同处境的人 帮助他们抑制这种尖锐的倾向 helping people in your situation to restrain their aggressive tendencies.
你想让我去看心理医生? You want me to go see a shrink?
对你表示感恩 I appreciate you.
“对你表示感恩” "I appreciate you." "I appreciate you."
该死的反社会潮人势利眼混蛋 Fucking sociopath hipster douche.
在我的公司里威胁我是吗? Gonna threaten me in my own goddamn building?
让我敲晕你 扔进脏衣服袋子里 I'll fucking knock you out, throw you in a bag of laundry,
让他们永远都别他妈再想见到你 and they'll never fucking see you again.
我的天! Oh my God!
快点啊!我要迟到了 Come on! I'm gonna be late.
就只他妈坐在那里一动不动 Just fucking sitting there.
看看这个该死的傻逼 Oh, look at this fucking asshole.
30多岁的人了 还骑着小孩的玩具在马路中央转悠! Fucking 30-year-old man riding a kids' toy right in the middle of the fucking street!
长点心吧! - Get over!
他在干什么? 在即兴表演吗?他在拍短视频吗? What's he doing now? Is he freestyling? Is he making a YouTube video?
我的老天!你是有多自恋? Oh my God! How fucking self-involved are you?
道路是共享的! Share the road!
这我同意! Hey, I agree!
那你为什么不到 那该死的人行道上去呢? So, why don't you get up onto the fucking sidewalk where you belong?
给我比的吗?你突然有种了啊? Oh, is that for me? Oh, you a tough guy now, huh? Huh?
你这个混蛋死基佬 你去哪儿 ? Where you going, you little cocksucker, huh?
看什么? What?
你上次看见有人在“停”的指示牌前面 停下是什么时候? When was the last time you saw one of those bastards stop at a stop sign?
然后他们就会被撞了 再把它说成是无法预料的悲剧 Then they get hit and frost the thing like some unforeseen tragedy happened.
我说错了吗? Am I wrong?
是的 Yes.
真有毒啊 Toxic.
看看这个 可不是嘛 Oh, look at this. Of course.
难以置信 Unbelievable.
每天有500个人来这里 却只有20个车位 500 people come here every day, and they got 20 fucking spots.
买下一个停车场要多少钱? How much money do you have to pay to get a parking lot?
这写的什么? What does that say?
我可不要读这些个鬼 I'm not reading all that fucking shit.
不管了 快进快出 Eh, fuck it. Be in and out.
你们每晚都有给孩子读书吗? So, you are reading to your kids every night?
我们... Uh, we do 17--
不好意思 先生? Oh, excuse me. Excuse me, sir?
嗯? Yeah?
- 你接孩子迟了 - 对不起 没有停车位了 - You were late for pickup. - I'm sorry. There was no parking spots.
- 爸爸! - 奈特!嘿 我的小家伙 - Daddy! Daddy! - Nate! Hey, little buddy.
你好吗? Ah! What's up? What's up?
- 我想你了 - 我也是 - I've missed you, man. - Me too.
- 在学校怎么样? - 挺好的 - How was school? - Good.
- 你接孩子迟了 - 我告诉过你我找不到停车位 - You were late for pickup. - Yeah, I told you I couldn't find a spot.
抱歉 我们不接受借口 I'm sorry. We don't accept excuses.
不是借口 是事实 Wasn't an excuse. Just what happened.
而且我只是 晚到了两分钟吧 对吗 小家伙? Plus, I was only, like, two minutes late, right, buddy?
- 你看了学校的指导手册吗? - 看了 - Have you read the school guidebook? - Yep.
怎么了? What?
每迟到一分钟需要交一元钱 It's a dollar for every minute you're late.
当然 Of course it is.
好的 Okay.
- 这是五块钱 我就这么多了 - 不用了 第一次违反不需要交钱 - Here's five bucks. It's all I got. - Oh, no. The first violation is free.
是吗?那在我放下 我的孩子之前你为什么不告诉我? Really? Well, why didn't you tell me that before I put my kid down?
如果你是真的读了手册 而不是说说而已 Well, if you'd actually read the guidebook instead of just saying you did,
不用我说你也知道 I wouldn't have to tell you anything.
- 是有什么问题吗 女士? - 实际上... - Is there, like, a problem here, miss? - Well, actually--
如果你对我有意见 If you have some issue with me,
你就私下把我叫到一边跟我说 you take me aside in private, and you talk to me.
你不应该在孩子面前训斥我 You don't dress me down in front of my kid.
我付你钱 是让你教育我的儿子 不是我 I'm paying you to educate my son, not me, okay?
在“小小心灵” 我们相信 教育的义务应该延展到家庭 Oh. Well, we here at Little Hearts and Minds believe that education extends into the home.
- 是吗?好棒啊 - 再说一次 你什么都会知道 Oh, do you? Fantastic.
如果你能拿起手册 然后... And once again, you'd know that if you'd picked up the guidebook and--
真要命啊!我会读那该死的手册的! Jesus Christ! I read the goddamn fucking guidebook!
行了吧 你个矮胖婊子? All right, you stumpy little cunt?
哇! Wow!
我的天 Oh my God.
我们走吧 奈特 Let's go, Nate.
爸爸 什么是婊子? Daddy, what's a cunt?
就是你迟到两秒钟就要针对你的人 Somebody that gives you shit for being two seconds late for pickup.
你好吗? How you doing?
好嘞 我们到家了 现在要做什么? Okay, buddy, we're home. Now what are we gonna do?
忘了发生的事 把冰淇淋吃了 Forget what happened and finish my ice cream.
没错 That's right.
小家伙 好吃吗? Hey, buddy, was that good?
你最棒了 我们把嘴快速地擦干净 Ah, you're the best. Here. Let's get you cleaned up real quick.
对 好了 Yep, okay, cool.
我们进去的时候 就只表现出高兴 好吗?真棒 All right. Nothing but happiness when we go in there, okay? Awesome.
妈妈! Mommy!
嘿!你好吗 小家伙? Well, hey! How are you, buddy?
- 你的会开得怎么样 亲爱的? - 很好!接孩子顺利吗? - Hey, how was your meeting, honey? - Oh, it was good! How was pickup?
很好 很顺畅 也平平无奇 Oh, it was great, smooth, uneventful.
嘿 你想看《汪汪一对宝》吗? Hey, you wanna go watch Puppy Dog Pals?
-《汪汪一对宝》! -《汪汪一对宝》赞! - Puppy Dog Pals! - Puppy Dog Pals. Yay!
杰克 平平无奇? 我刚跟 路易·史密克尔·特纳博士通了电话 Jack. Uneventful? I just got off the phone with Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner.
哦 老天 Oh boy.
管奈特的校长叫矮胖的婊子 这也叫“平平无奇”吗? What is uneventful about calling Nate's principal a stumpy "C"?
如果你看到她跟我说话的样子 你就知道这是一个相当正常的反应了 If you saw the way she was talking to me, it was a perfectly normal response.
- 谁的反应? - 但凡一个有一丁点尊严的人 - For who? - Anyone with a shred of dignity.
小点声 Keep it down.
但凡一个有一丁点尊严的人 Anyone with a shred of dignity.
她跟我说话就好像我是个混子爸爸 Okay, she was talking to me like some deadbeat dad
就因为我晚出现了那么一分钟的时间 for showing up a minute and a half late for pickup.
天哪!你的尊严在这里一点也不重要 Oh my God! This has nothing to do with your dignity.
我们儿子将来的学业才是最重要的 This has everything to do with our son's academic future.
你知道路易·史密克尔-特纳博士 有多大的权力吗? Do you know how powerful Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner is?
她的幼儿园推荐报告 Her kindergarten recommendation
完全可以决定 他能不能上“青草地小学” makes or breaks whether he gets into The Meadows.
那我们换一所私立学校不就行了 Great. So we'll send him to a different private school.
不管他去哪里 都需要她给推荐 She writes the recommendation no matter where he goes.
那就公立学校 我们看过的那家 也没那么糟 而且是免费的 Great! Then it's public school. That place wasn't that bad, and it's free.
你开什么玩笑? Are you kidding me?
那地方就有那么糟 That place was that bad.
你承认了... - You admitted that-- - Sh.
那地方就有那么糟 That one was that bad.
而且是你说的那很糟 好吗? And you said it was that bad. Okay?
这些我们已经讨论过了 我们还查了所有的数据信息 We have been over this. We've looked at all the data.
真是要了命的数据! 你们这代人和数据 Oh, Jesus Christ with the fucking data! Your generation and the data.
- 什么? - 数据，数据，数据... - What? - The data, the data, the data.
我给你一些数据 Here's some data for you, okay?
不是你所有的需求都能被满足 这其实是个好事 Not having your every need catered to is actually a good thing.
- 我上的就是公立学校 结果好得很呢 - 你就是在那里学说话的? I went to public school. I turned out fine. Where you learned to talk to principals?
我是在那里学会要起来为自己辩护 No, it's where I learned to stick up for myself.
你得搞定这件事 而且你需要跟人聊聊你的情绪问题 You need to fix this. And you need to talk to someone about your anger.
我的老天 又是心理咨询!又来了 Oh, Jesus Christ with the fucking therapy. Here we go.
- 很好 就这样 - 总是说心理咨询 - Great. Fine. Fine! - Always with the therapy.
去吧 握紧拳头 气呼呼地活在这个世界上吧 Go ahead, white-knuckle it through this world.
但是明天你要去学校 But tomorrow, you're gonna go into that school,
你要去道歉 and you are going to apologize.
好啊 没问题 你以为我会怕吗?我现在就过去 Good, fine. You think I'm afraid of that? I'll go down there right now.
- 很好 - 我也不是第一次叫别人那个了 Great. She's not the first person I ever called that word.
别担心 我会搞定的 Don't worry. I'll smooth it right over.
杰克 莉亚 非常感谢你们能过来 Jack, Leah. Thanks so much for coming.
非常感谢您愿意见我们 真的 Thank you so much for meeting with us, honestly.
史密克尔·特纳博士 我想... Yes. Doctor Shmieckel-Turner, I... I just wanted to--
请叫我L博士 Uh, please, call me Doctor L.
- L博士 我只想说... - 别 先别说你的想法 - Doctor L, I just wanna say-- - No, no. Save those thoughts.
好吧 - Oh, okay. - Uh...
等下 哇! Oh, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa.
我们要在全校人的面前说吗? We're gonna do this in front of the whole school?
额... - Um...
与其说是一所学校 我们更倾向于认为这是一个村落 We view this more as a village than a school.
我们坚定地崇尚 恢复性司法 或者说盖卡卡法庭 And we firmly believe in the practice of restorative justice, or gacaca.
一种在卢旺达很常见的操作 尤其在他们的屠杀事件后 A common practice in Rwanda which was especially effective
格外有效 in the aftermath of their genocide.
请加入到其他家长中间去吧 And please, join the other parents.
好 Oh. Okay.
好吧 哇! Okay. Wow!
来的人真不少啊 That's quite a turnout.
好吧 Um... All right, um...
我想 我反思了一下 昨天我确实没控制好我的情绪 I guess, uh, looking back, I, uh, let my emotions get the best of me yesterday,
我希望当时我能在用词上稍作调整 and, um, I wish I could have chosen my words a little bit differently.
好吧? All right?
我很抱歉你们之中的六位听见了 然后告诉了剩下的40人 And I am sorry that six of you heard this and then told the other 40.
对听到我的话的孩子们 我想说 And, uh, to any of the children that heard what I said,
永远都不可以说那些话 it's never okay to say those words, okay?
我的行为非常非常的错 好吗? I... I was very, very wrong. All right?
就这样了 祝大家有个美好的早晨 继续使用纸吸管吧 So that's it. Have a nice morning and, uh, keep using those paper straws.
我知道它们会变软 但很显然它们对乌龟有好处 I know they get soggy, but they're good for the turtles, evidently.
等会 杰克 - Thank you. - Okay. No, no. Jack. Jack. Jack.
嗯 我们很感激你刚刚说的这些 Yeah. We... we appreciate the words,
但是疗愈才刚刚开始 but the process of healing has only just begun.
- 朱迪 请说 - 好的 谢谢 - Yes, Judy. - Yes, thank you.
我只想表达我有多么地受伤 Um, I would just like to voice how incredibly hurt I am.
凯利先生 你知道吗? 用那个词称呼别人 Mr. Kelly, do you understand that using the C-word
就像用另一个不好的词 不过对象是女人 is like the N-word but for women?
哦是的 没错 我想确实是的 Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, I'm... I'm sure... I'm sure it is.
除了400年的奴隶制 和延续下来的系统性压迫 You know, other than the 400 years of slavery and continued systemic oppression.
我觉得你的观点非常站得住脚 Other than that, I think you're making a really solid point.
咪咪 请说 Yes, Mimi.
即使我当时不在 Even though I wasn't there,
光想想那种话是在孩子面... just knowing that language like that was used in front of the child--
要了亲命了 Oh, Jesus Christ.
布莱恩 请说 Please. Brian.
作为孩子的家长 以及一个长期代谢低下的人 As a parent of a child and someone with chronically low metabolism,
但仍然爱我的身体... but loving my body...
好样的 布莱恩 - Oh. Good for you, Brian. - Yeah.
...你用了“矮胖”这个词 真的触痛了我和我们全家 ...your use of the word "stumpy" was a real trigger to me and my whole family.
真的假的? Seriously?
是的 Yes.
任何形式的身材羞辱都会让我想起 Any type of body-shaming just reminds me
那种被人说我的身材不够好的感觉 of what it feels like to be told that my body ain't good enough.
好吧 我明白 我很抱歉让你有那样的感受了 Oh, okay. All right. Well, I understand that, and I'm sorry I made you feel that way.
我想补充一句 我觉得你们中的很多人都会同意 And I'd also like to add, and I think a lot of you would agree,
就是我们国家 确实面临着严重的体重问题 对吧? we do have a major weight problem in this country. Do we not, you know?
而且这不仅仅影响了 这位先生和他的孩子 And it doesn't just affect this man and his child.
体型不佳的人 给我们的医保系统带来的压力 I mean, the burden that out-of-shape people put on our healthcare system,
更别说他们病逝后对亲友的打击了... not to mention the loved ones they leave behind is...
是真真切切的让人揪心的 it's truly, truly heartbreaking.
我觉得我们同在一个社区 这是个我们可以一起探讨的问题 And I... I think, as a community, we should be able to talk about it.
比如说 我们可以在接送孩子的入口 设一个沙拉自助之类的 Like maybe put a salad bar at drop-off or something like that.
哦天!我喜欢这个 Oh man! I would love that.
好吧 可能以后再说 All right. Maybe... maybe not now.
让我赶紧结束 好的谢谢 Wrap it up. Thank you.
我想说我对我昨天的行为深感抱歉 Uh, I'd just like to say that I am truly sorry for my actions yesterday.
那种行为在我们这里 是绝不容许的 好吧?就这样 They have no place in this community. Okay? All right.
对不起 祝你们有个美好的早晨和愉快的一天 I'm sorry. Have a nice morning. Good day.
额... Eh, eh. Uh...
好的 我们感谢杰克 Okay. Okay, let's all thank Jack.
当我们犯错的时候 能承认错误是很不容易的 It's not easy to admit when we are wrong.
这条路会很漫长 This is going to be a long... a long journey.
但我知道我们都会在背后支持他 But I know we will all be there to support him.
什么鬼? 她说“漫长的道路”是什么意思? What the fuck? What does she mean by "long journey"?
这条路走完了 我给她道歉了 The journey's over. I just apologized to her
还有那一群怂到家的人 那些人当时压根就不在 and a bunch of weak-kneed people who weren't even there.
她又拖了三个月才肯给奈特写推荐书 She doesn't write Nate's recommendation for another three months.
- 所以呢? - 所以! - So? - So!
你有很多时间 来向她证明你是个好父亲 You have a long time to prove to her that you are a good dad.
但我为什么要这么做? But why do I need to do that?
因为这个推荐书关系到奈特 也会关系到我们 Because this recommendation is as much about Nate as it is about us as parents.
天啊!这些人到底有完没完? Oh, Jesus Christ! Is it ever over with these people?
你得闯多少个关才能通过啊? I mean, how many fucking hoops do you have to jump through?
我不知道 杰克 但这是你制造的问题 I don't know, Jack, but you created this problem.
所以你是要像个男人一样解决它 还是我得给你也买个奶嘴了? So, are you going to man up and solve it, or am I registering for two pacifiers?
- 怎么样? - 好吧 - Well? - All right.
我会好好的 然后闯过每个关卡 好吗? I will play nice, and I will jump through all the hoops, okay?
谢谢 祝你今天愉快 Mm-hmm. Thank you. Have a good day.
嗨宝贝 我烤了一点水牛牛排 Hi, baby. I grilled up some buffalo steaks,
桌子上还有一杯曼哈顿鸡尾酒等着你 and there's a Manhattan waiting for you on the table.
真要命宝贝 你看起来好赞 - Goddamn, baby. You look good.
跟我来 Follow me.
正是我今晚需要的 Just what I needed tonight.
当然 我知道怎么照顾我的男人 Well, I do know how to take care of my man.
去吧 坐下 - Go on. Sit down.
喝一杯 好好放松一下 Have a drink. Get all nice and relaxed.
为什么?怎么了? Why? What happened?
没什么 Nothing.
没--
好吧 确实有事要跟你说 但你保证你不能生气 Okay, well, I do have to tell you something, but you have to promise to not get mad.
我学了这么多年法律 让我没法轻易答应这种事呢 I went to too many years of law school to agree to something like that.
怎么了? What's going on?
嗯 Well,
我没来 I'm late.
不会吧 不可能 There's no way. That's impossible.
我也不敢相信 I couldn't believe it either.
(怀孕 未怀孕)
我结扎了 而且我拔出来了 I had a vasectomy, and I pull out.
我知道 我也不懂是怎么回事 但... I... I know. I don't know how it happened, but...
也许是有其他原因 maybe there's a reason.
再尿一次 Pee again.
- 什么? - 再尿一次! - What? - Pee again!
我尿了 三次呢 I did. Three times.
那就不是我的 去验一下吧 Well, it's not mine, so go take a test.
你得这么想 这说明你的精子真的很强大 I mean, look at it this way. You got really strong sperm.
你应该感到骄傲 You should be proud.
真的 我们这个年纪的男人 射出来的东西都跟得了哮喘病一样 Seriously. I mean, guys our age, our cum is usually, like, asthmatic, you know,
但你的就像 《不死劫》里的布鲁斯·威利斯 but your shit's, like, Bruce Willis in Unbreakable, bro.
对啊 靠着前列腺液艰难地闯过了结扎 Yeah. To plow through a vasectomy with pre-cum.
- 真的是活久见 - 可不是嘛 - I mean, that's unheard of. - Come on.
那简直是《勇敢的心》级别的精液了 That's like some Braveheart- level jizz.
兄弟 你真是 黑人版的威廉·华莱士了 Yeah, dude. You're like a Black William Wallace.
前列腺液! Pre-cum!
不好意思 Sorry.
迈克 会很赞的 有了小孩之后你会觉得自己很年轻 Mike, this is gonna be great, okay? And remember, kids keep you young.
不会的 我的孩子让我觉得想死 No, they don't. My kids almost killed me.
别这么想 Oh, come on.
你难道忘了当爸爸时的那种美妙吗? Don't you remember the beauty of becoming a dad?
新生婴儿头上的味道 简直太棒了 The smell of a newborn baby's head. I mean, it's the best.
他们很有意思的 迈克 They're funny, Mike. They're funny.
他们会说有趣的话 他们觉得屁都是有趣的 They say funny shit. They think farts are funny.
早上他跑进来说“拉我的手指” In the morning, he comes running in. "Pull my finger. Pull my finger."
一个湿屁 太逗了 - Wet one. It's funny.
很可爱 It's adorable.
还有 你回到家 他们见到你超级激动的 Another thing, you come home, they're excited to see you.
有几个地方你可以一进门 就有人像疯了一样 How many places do you walk in, and people just freak out
向你跑来 尖叫着喊你的名字? and start running at you, screaming your name?
你回到家 感觉自己成巨星了 You come home, you feel like you're famous.
没错 而且他们不会活了12年就死了 Yeah, exactly. They don't die after 12 years.
- 没错 - 像狗一样 - Exactly. - Like a dog.
希望是这样 Hopefully.
迈克 这会很棒的 而且我们会一起帮你 Mike, this is gonna be great. We all get to do it together.
是的 Yeah.
杰克 自从奈特出生后 你老了十岁 Jack, you've aged ten years since Nate was born.
康纳 我不知道你是怎么了 因为你一点没老 Connor, I don't know what's up with you 'cause you don't fucking age.
- 谢了 兄弟 - 我不是夸你 - Thanks, buddy. - It's not a compliment.
我不知道你打了什么肉毒杆菌 I don't know what kind of Botox shit you're on,
会毒死你的 but it's gonna kill you.
好吧兄弟 别这么恶毒 好吗? 你搞出小孩又不是因为我 All right, dude. Ease up. Okay? I didn't fucking get you pregnant.
就...如果你不想要 堕胎就完了 Just... If you don't want the baby, just get an abortion.
冲掉 Flush it.
我不信这个 这是白人做的垃圾事 I don't believe in that. That's some white shit.
- 什么意思? - 什么? - What's that mean? - What?
我不知道 我有点激动了 I don't know. I'm emotional.
她说了她不想要孩子 She said she didn't wanna have kids.
我现在该怎么办? What the fuck am I gonna do?
- 我心脏病要发了 - 你不会的 - I'm having a heart attack. - You're not.
- 能给我们来点水吗?注意呼吸 - 我心脏病要发了 - Can we get some water? Just breathe. - I'm gonna have a heart attack.
你不会心脏病发作的 你是健身的人 You're not gonna have a heart attack. You go to the gym.
没有哪个健身的人会心脏病发作的 Nobody has a heart attack that goes to the gym.
除了慢跑那家伙 他就死于心脏病 Except... Remember that jogging guy? He died of a heart attack.
- 对哦 - 记得那个人吗? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Remember that guy?
- 大家早上好 - 早上好 L博士 Good morning, everyone. Morning, Doctor L.
回头见 小家伙 要开心哦 好吗? - Oh! - Hey, buddy. I'll see ya. Have fun. Okay?
那是给我的吗? Is that for me?
是给整个社区的 这是一棵橄榄树 Oh, it's for the whole community. Yeah, it's an olive tree.
很耐旱 也是和平的永恒象征 Very drought-friendly. And an eternal symbol of peace.
想着这是一个 培养孩子们的社会心理健康的好方法 I thought it'd be a nice way to cultivate the kids', uh, social-emotional growth.
这是我们在家里对奈特一再强调的事 Something we work on a lot with Nate at home, you know?
令我刮目相看 Well, I... I am impressed.
但这棵树 跟我们这里的生态系统不是很兼容 But this tree is incompatible with our ecosystem.
它会招来虫子 The insects that it would attract
那些虫子 会对这里的植物产生有害的影响 would be detrimental to all plant life here.
真有意思啊 你和我竟然在... - This is a funny moment. Yeah. You and I are having a--
什么? What?
真是巧了 你竟然带了一个 跟你一样的植物 一个植物版的你 I find it so apropos that you have brought the plant version of yourself.
杰克 我很感谢你能这么做 我知道这对你来说不容易 Jack, I appreciate the effort. I know how hard this is for you.
但幸好你有我来为你指路 But fortunately, I am here to guide you.
如果你愿意采纳我的建议 这是你能接受的事吗? If you're willing to take my advice. Is that something you'd be open to?
- 我需要你用语言确认 - 是的 - I need a verbal confirmation. - Yes.
跟我来 Walk with me.
如你所见 这是一个充满活力 随性灵动的地方 As you can see, this is such a dynamic and whimsical place.
是为下一代了不起的领导者 而打造的发射台 A launching pad for the next generation of great leaders.
领导者如奈特 Such as Nate.
但如果没有足够的燃料 他们永远都不能抵达最高空 But they'll never reach the stratosphere without enough fuel.
我们的年度募资活动快开始了 Our annual fundraiser is coming up,
考虑到你在销售方面有过管理经验 and given your leadership experience in sales,
我觉得你可能会很适合做这个主席 I think you might make a great chairman.
- 我? - 你觉得呢? - Me? - What do you think?
我觉得我开始明白 这里是怎么运作的了 I think I'm beginning to see how this school works.
(紧致健身房 伍德兰希尔斯 加州) ♪ Come on, baby Let me see you with the lights up... ♪
加把劲 马上可以到10了 Let's go. You're fucking getting to ten.
- 加油啊! - 我可以的 - Let's go! - Ah! I got it.
- 你是娘们儿吗? - 不是 - Are you a pussy? - No.
- 你是娘们儿吗? - 你才是 - Are you a pussy? - You're a pussy.
你就是个娘们儿 快点 搞起来 You're a fucking pussy. Come on, let's go. Let's go.
来啊 你是怎么了 来例假了吗? 起来 看着我 Come on. What are you, on your period? Let's go. Look at me. Look at me.
- 看着我! - 我看着呢 - Look at me! - Ah, I'm looking.
就这样 来吧 再来一个 That's it. Let's go. One more. One more. One more.
来吧!你做到了! - Come on! That's all you! That's all you! - Fuck!
好了不做了 放下来 All right. Let's go. Down. Down.
击掌 两次 干死普拉提 Up high. Twice. Ah! Fuck Pilates!
- 哇哦 - 很酸爽的训练 - Whoo! - That was a good set.
- 所以你愿意帮我搞这个吗? - 滚吧 不行 - So, you gonna help me with this thing? - Fuck, no.
- 拜托 就是个募资大会 - 我说了不 - Come on. It's just a fundraiser meeting. - I said no.
你不想想那次我假装你爸爸 因为你想跟那个小妞隐瞒你的年龄 What about that time I pretended to be your dad 'cause you were lying to that chick about your age, huh?
- 我没有任何关于那次事件的记忆了 - 没有了?说得倒轻巧 I have no recollection of that incident. Oh, you don't? You don't? Isn't that convenient?
嘿 迈克来了 Hey, there's Mike.
- 那是布兰妮的车吗? - 我觉得不是 - That Britney's car? - I don't think so.
看那车牌 有人在二手车行花大钱了 Look at the plates. Someone went crazy on CarMax.
你看吧?我用二比一的赔率 You know what? I give you two-to-one
赌小孩已经打掉了 也跟布兰妮分手了 there's no more baby, and there's no more Britney.
- 不会吧 你觉得是吗? - 是的 50块 - No. You think so? - Yeah. Fifty bucks.
50块?100块 Fifty? Hundred.
- 百元大钞? - 百元大钞? - Hundred. C-note? - C-note?
- 百元大钞! - 百元大钞! - C-note! - C-note!
- 好了 淡定 - 好 - All right. Be cool. - All right.
- 嘿! - 哟 - Hey! - Yo, yo, yo.
- 看看是谁来了 - 吃了么您? - Look who's here. Big Mike! - What's cracking?
- 哥们儿 你好吗? - 都好吗 老弟? - Man, how are you? - What's up, baby?
- 气色不错啊 - 你新搞了辆车吗? - You look good. - You get a new car?
福特Fusion SEL 配置齐全 加热座椅 蓝牙 双天窗 Ford Fusion SEL, fully loaded. Heated seats, Bluetooth, dual sunroof.
直接送到我家门口 你想试试吗? Delivered straight to my door. You wanna take it for a spin?
我?不用了 下回我去坦帕的时候租一辆 Me? Nah, I'm good. I'll just rent one the next time I go to Tampa.
嘿 你和布兰妮还打算留着孩子吗? Hey, so, you and Britney still having the kid, right?
对啊 为什么不? Yeah, why wouldn't we be?
我不知道啊 看你做的这些事情 还以为你已经放弃了呢 I don't know. Everything you're doing is suggesting you took a mulligan.
我为什么不能养大这个孩子 同时拥有我的梦中情车呢? Why can't I be raising the kid and have the car of my dreams?
以及在易趣上 买一个大人小孩双拍档的弹球游戏机 And pick up a Boyz II Men pinball machine on eBay.
有人说这是不可能的 People say it's impossible.
嗯 让他们去死好了 因为我就要这么干 Well, fuck those people because I'm doing it. Huh?
好了 All right.
- 我靠 - 开练吧 伙计们 - Fuck. - Let's get it in, fellas.
好了 给我钱吧 要不去募资会 All right. Pay up, or go to the meeting.
混蛋 Motherfucker.
对的 我可以让 外战老兵协会免费借我们场地 Okay, I can get the VFW to give us the space for free.
我兄弟米奇是做酒水批发的 My buddy Mitch has a wholesale liquor company.
我们可以按成本价买酒 这样就只剩下 We get the booze at cost, and that just leaves the entertainment and the auction.
娱乐和拍卖部分了
但主题是什么? Uh, but what's the theme?
主题是什么?就是大家都不开车 What's the theme? You know, everybody takes an Uber.
大醉一番 过一个没有孩子的夜晚 We all get ripped. Take a night off from our kids.
杰克 我觉得她说的对 我们需要一个主题 You know what? I think she's right. I think we need a theme.
是的 我们绝对需要一个主题 - Yeah. - We definitely need a theme.
去年的主题是波多黎各日游行 Last year's theme was the Puerto Rican Day Parade.
- 那次超棒的 - 我们请来了小提托·普恩特 - That was great. - We had Tito Puente Jr.
80年代主题派对怎么样? How about an '80s-themed party?
这不就有想法了吗? Now there's an idea.
- 我超爱80年代的 - 80年代最棒了 - I fucking love the '80s. - Fucking '80s are the best.
紧身背心 T型车顶 还有粉 宝贝 Tank tops, T-tops, and blow, baby.
沉迷指交 《迈阿密风云》! Finger-banging for days. Miami Vice!
整个潮流就是这样开始的 休闲外套里穿T恤 That's what started that whole thing, sport coats with the T-shirt underneath.
不穿袜子 把裤脚叠起来卷上去 Yeah. No socks. Remember? You fold over the pant, roll it up.
- 对 - 砰 带劲的口活 - No... Yeah. - Boom. Hummer.
我们是在 回忆你的童年还是策划派对? Are we reliving your childhood or planning a party?
- 派对我总是喜欢的 - 我也是 I'm always down for a party. - I am too. - Right?
《天下一家》怎么样? How about "We Are the World"?
那首歌挺好的 对吧? That's an interesting song. Right?
而且你知道 它讲到了包容性 And, you know, it's inclusive.
处理的是非洲的问题 学校有不少黑人小孩呢 Deals with Africa. We got a lot of Black kids in the school.
什么...我猜想 它某种程度上是有包容性的 Uh-- Wha-- I... I mean, I guess it is kind of inclusive.
近似包容性吧 但我们有些人在1980年代还没出生呢 Inclusive adjacent, but some of us weren't even born in the '80s.
所以我想说为什么我们要往回看呢? So I just think that, like, why would we be looking backwards?
这个学校还有我们的整个社区的氛围 You know? Like, our whole vibe here at this school and this whole community
是向着未来的 我觉得会有点格格不入了 is... is looking forward, and I just don't think it really lines up.
我知道了 美国性别大联盟怎么样? I've got it. What about the United States of Gender?
- 就是这个 天哪 我好喜欢! - 是吧 我也喜欢 - There it is. Oh my God. I love that! - I know. I love it.
我们可以请一个 全是跨性别的服务团队 会很棒的! We could have an entirely trans waitstaff. It'd be great!
等等 派对上 应该会有很多其他类型的人 Okay. Wait, guys. There's gonna be a lot of different people here at this party.
也许我们应该尽量更主流一些 Maybe we should try to keep it a little more mainstream.
什么是主流? Hmm. Define mainstream.
我不知道 反正不要弄成一个阴阳人酒吧 I don't know, like, you know, not turn it into, like, a tranny bar.
- 我的天! - 阴阳人?你不能用这个词! - Oh my God! - Tranny? You cannot say that word!
那要怎么说? - What are you supposed to say?
- 跨性别! - 跨性别! Trans!
好吧 差不多是这个意思 更通俗的说法 就像迈克和小迈 Oh, all right. Well, I was close. Trans, tranny. It's like Mike, Mikey.
小迈! Mikey!
对 我也被人叫红毛 无鸟所谓 Yeah. [laughs] I mean, people call me a ginger. I don't give a fuck.
我没有什么别的意思 好吧 跨性别 I didn't mean anything by it. All right. Trans.
我觉得如果我们能 理解杰克古老的逻辑 I think if we could just peer through the fog of Jack's antiquated logic,
我们会意识到 杰克是在让我们团结起来 we'll all realize that Jack's trying to bring us together, okay?
他想带我们向前走 不是分裂我们 好吗? He's trying to move us forward, not polarize us, okay?
我能不能... Can I just... Can I just...
是有什么特别的原因我们必须要 Is there a reason we always have
让两个白人男来主导这场讨论? two white men dominating the discussion in this room?
是说我俩吗? Was that directed at us?
如果我没看错的话 你也是个白人男 兄弟 'Cause if I'm not mistaken, you're also a white male, buddy.
你怎么不看看我的基因测试结果? Why don't you consult the results of my 23andMe test?
因为我身上3%的斯里兰卡血统 Because the 3% of my lineage that is Sri Lankan
会非常反感你现在说话的语气 is really not appreciating your tone in this moment.
我需要你去反思一下你的特权 So I'm gonna need you to check your privilege.
- 反思我的特权? - 没错 - Check my privilege? - That's right. Check your privilege.
好了 我们来讨论一下无声拍卖吧? Okay. Uh, why don't we concentrate on the silent auction?
那不是个白人吗? That's not a white guy?
我也搞不清楚了 I'm confused.
(三连胜原生)
我的天!看看这个地方 一天天的变得越来越糟心了 Oh my God! Look at this place. It just gets more depressing every day.
你们好吗 派对达人们? What up, party people?
你们好吗 亲们? Ah! What up, fam?
你们看了抖音上 那个夫妻互换衣服的视频了吗? Yo, y'all check out that TikTok video of the couple exchanging clothes?
搞什么啊? What?
没 我不看抖音的 Uh, no, I'm not actually on TikTok, man.
什么?你难道用的是安卓机吗? What? What are you on an Android phone?
- 是的 确实是的 - 对 我也是 - Yeah. As a matter of fact, I am. - Yeah. Me too.
它支持开源软件 完全可以定制 It's open-source software. Fully customizable.
- 没错! - 对吧?我就说吧 - Yes! Yes! - Right? That's what I'm talking about.
我靠 Fuck.
哟 今早你们感觉到地震了吗? Yo. Did you feel that earthquake this morning? You feel that?
别担心 Don't worry.
只是我的想法而已 It's just my thoughts.
名气 Fame.
曾经只属于有才华的人 It was once only the provenance of the talented.
但现在我们生活在一个 But now we are living in an era
人人都相信他们应该成名的时代 in which everyone believes that they deserve to be famous.
这个名人和流量的泡沫很大 朋友们 而且很快要破了 The fame bubble is big, my friends. And it's about to burst.
已经可以看到裂缝了 You can already see the cracks.
名人们宣布他们要暂离社交媒体 Celebrities announcing they're taking a break from social media
选择的方式是在社交媒体上 发一张自拍照 太扯了 by taking a selfie and posting it to social media. It's insane.
我们要赚一笔多到扯淡的钱 And we are going to make an insane amount of money
通过把不想要名气变成新的名气 by making not wanting fame the new fame.
我们要找个品牌大使 We're gonna find a brand ambassador.
一个真心不在乎名气的人 Someone who earnestly does not crave fame.
他就是艾德·卡梅隆 Introducing Ed Cameron.
他是不想成名界的勒布朗·詹姆斯 He is the LeBron James of not being famous.
生活在新墨西哥州的一块不毛之地上 Lives on a plot of alopeciad land in New Mexico.
他完全自给自足 He is entirely self-sustaining.
据我们所知 他基本上不跟任何人类接触 And as far as we know, he's had little to no human contact,
从1980年代后期开始 not since the late 1980s.
你是怎么找到他的? How did you find him?
不容易啊 Well, it wasn't easy.
在1976年 But in 1976,
他在当地的教堂参与了一次抽彩 he signed up for a raffle at a local church.
他的信息被卖给了一家大商场 That information was sold to Mammoth Mart,
然后又转卖给了一个古早的唱片店 who then sold it to Columbia Record and Tape Club,
结果它转身又卖给了摩根大通 who turned right around and sold it to JPMorgan Chase.
之后他们被黑了 最终流到了暗网上 And then they got hacked, and it ended up on the dark web,
那有点难... so that was a little harder to--
没必要说太多我们是怎么获取 他的个人信息的了 It's not that important to talk about how we acquired his personal information.
不重要 Doesn't matter.
重要的是 我们要把他请来 What matters is how we're gonna bring him in.
给你们三个词 杰克 迈克 康纳 三位创始人 And I got three words for ya. Jack, Mike, Connor, the founding fathers.
哇!什么? Whoa, whoa! What?
你想让我们去说服这个人? You want all three of us to go pitch this guy?
对 还有我们的小特 Yeah. Yeah, with my boy, Trav.
为什么叫上特拉维斯? Why is Travis coming?
好问题 康纳 对你表示感恩 Good question, Connor. I appreciate you.
这家伙选择住在荒郊野外 Hey, hey. This guy chose to live in the middle of nowhere.
对 Yeah.
我们怎么可能说服他去追逐名利啊? So, how the hell are we gonna convince him to become famous?
这就是你们的工作了 杰克 Therein lies the work, Jack.
你觉得 史蒂夫·乔布斯有发明什么东西吗? Do you think that Steve Jobs invented things?
- 是啊 还不少 - 对 - Yeah. Quite a bit, actually. - Yeah.
- 平板电脑 - 不 - iPad. - No.
他说出想法 然后其他人来做 He said things, and then other people did them.
所以 今天我也说了我的想法 So I've said things today,
我想让你们去做这些事 and I want you to go and do those things.
嘿 杰克 你觉得 我们摊上的是个什么事啊? Jack, what do you think we're walkin' into here?
你说这家伙会说英语吗? I mean, you think this guy is even gonna be able to speak English?
是啊 他什么时候脱离社会的? Yeah. When did he go off the grid?
好像是1988年 Like, 1988.
- 真的假的? - 是的 - Seriously? - Yeah.
他可能还对着萨曼莎·福克斯撸管呢 He's probably still jerkin' off to Samantha Fox.
好了 问一个正经的 All right, serious question.
你愿意操 最佳状态的萨曼莎·福克斯吗? Would you rather fuck Samantha Fox in her prime,
但她得戴着芭芭拉·布什的面具哦 but she's wearing a Barbara Bush mask?
还是操大概是 1988年左右的芭芭拉·布什? Or fuck Barbara Bush, circa 1988,
但是得让萨曼莎看着你做 but you get to have Samantha just lookin' at you,
四目相对 她还是裸着的 full eye contact, and she's naked?
- 哇 真是个难题啊 - 谢谢 - Oh, wow! That's a good one. - Thank you.
你总是出其不意啊 - You always get the left turn. - Mm-hmm.
我想我应该会点个组合餐 I mean, I think I gotta go with the combo platter.
虽然萨曼莎·福克斯很性感 但如果我两个都上... I mean, Samantha Fox is smokin' hot, but if I get both of them...
我就可以看着萨曼莎 You know, I get to look at Samantha.
- 而且芭芭拉·布什 我觉得她很高端，对吧 - 嗯呢 - And Barbara Bush, I think she was a clean woman. Right? - Yeah
我也从来没有离权力那么近 And I've never been that close to that level of power before.
在总统办公室做 Do it in the Oval Office,
拿起红色电话 看看是谁打来的 you know, pick up the red phone, see who's on the other side.
总捅办公室 The oval orifice.
- 兄弟厉害啊! - 懂我的梗了吧? - Yeah, dude! - See what I did there?
一群男人啊? 就一起瞎混 Bunch of guys, right? Just fuckin' hangin' out.
羞辱女人 很酷 你们真行啊 Trashin' women. Yeah, so cool. You guys are so dope.
怎么 我们冒犯到你了吗? What, are we offending you?
没有 你们没有冒犯我 No, man, you're not offending me.
我只是觉得男人之间的 I just think this misogynistic behavior
厌女性行为有点过时了 amongst groups of men is a little, uh, little cliché.
老天 我们碰上女权主义者了 Ah, Jesus Christ. We got a feminist in the car.
我是为你们着想 好吗? Look, I'm just looking out for you guys, okay?
无意冒犯 但是你们给人的感觉有点... No offense, you're just comin' across a little...
有点老派 懂吧 有点跟时代脱节了 A little old, you know? A little out of touch.
我们应该试着进化 We try evolving.
进化?真不错 像你们这一代人一样对吗? Evolving? It's a good idea. Like your generation, right?
拍自己翻转水瓶的视频 Filmin' yourselves while you're flippin' over water bottles.
了不起的进步啊 Incredible progress.
容我插句话 If I may interject.
特拉维斯 听起来你的意思是你们这一代人 Travis, it sounds like what you're saying is you feel your generation
比我们那一代更加先进 is more evolved than our generation.
天啊 这真的是个问句?是的 当然了 Oh my God, that was a real question? Yeah, absolutely. Yes.
特拉维斯 你喜欢说唱音乐吗? Travis, do you like rap music?
喜欢啊 我听各种类型的音乐 I mean, yeah, I listen to all kinds of music.
你是钻得很深还是随便听听 那种模糊说唱之类的东西? You go deep, or you listen to that mumble rap shit?
我钻得很深 No, I go deep.
真的?多深? Really? How deep?
就那些经典的 武当帮 声名狼藉先生 纳斯 NWA You know, the greats. Wu-Tang, Biggie, Nas, uh, N.W.A.
NWA? N.W.A?
好吧 我们特拉维斯真的钻得很深呢 Okay, my man Travis goes way back.
看了电影 也买了原声碟 Saw the movie. Bought the soundtrack.
你大概也知道Yella Boy是谁吧 You probably know who Yella Boy is.
哇! Wow!
你喜欢在车上跟着唱他们的歌吗? You like to sing along to them in the car?
对 我有时候会跟着他们说唱 Yeah, I rap to them sometimes. Yeah.
他们唱到那个词的时候你怎么办? What do you do when they drop the N-word?
继续唱吗? - You keep singing along?
不是 我... Uh, no, I...
我听着 I listen.
- 你听着? - 是的 我听着 - You just listen? - Yeah. I do. I... I listen.
我说 你的脑子里是有个暂停键吗? 这可是NWA I mean, what, do you got a pause button in your brain? This is N.W.A.
你自己一个人 车窗关上了 You're by yourself. Windows are up.
在公路上徜徉 你来感觉了! Cruisin' down the highway. You feelin' it!
然后你告诉我你会停下你的说唱? Are you tellin' me that you stop your flow?
- 我会的 - 胡扯!没人会这样 - I do. - Bullshit, motherfucker! Nobody could.
这是NWA It's N.W.A.
- 我以为你很爱他们 - 没错 - I thought you said you loved them. - I do.
- 你爱他们吗? - 是的 我爱! - Do you love them? - Yes, I do!
- 那你还停下了? - 不是 我照说! - And you stop your flow? - No, I say it!
我想听听他说 放NWA的《冲出康普顿》 I wanna hear how he says it. Put on N.W.A "Straight Outta Compton."
拜托 我不想这样 Oh, come on, man. I don't wanna do this. I don't wanna do this.
为什么?背着我能说 当着我的面就不行了吗? Why not? You say it when I'm not around, but you won't say it when I am around.
这让我感觉 你是在用一种我不想听到的方式在说 That makes me feel like you're sayin' it in a way I wouldn't wanna hear it.
我想严正声明一下 我不想这么做 I just wanna go on record as saying I don't wanna do this.
就他妈的唱吧! Sing the damn song!
好的 别激动 Okay. Just chill out.
冲出康普顿 有个叫艾斯·库伯的疯狗贱人 ♪ Straight outta Compton Crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube ♪
来自... ♪ From the... ♪
当有人叫我 我掏出一把散弹枪 ♪ When I'm called off, I get a sawed-off ♪
扣下扳机 拖走尸体 ♪ Pull the trigger And the bodies get hauled off ♪
你也一样 小年轻 你若胆敢惹我 ♪ You too, boy, if ya fuck with me ♪
条子就会来抓我 ♪ The police are gonna have to come And get me ♪
一枪崩了你 因为这是我被抓的原因 ♪ Off yo ass 'Cause that's how I'm goin' out ♪
那些耀武扬威的朋克贱人 ♪ The punk motherfuckers That's showin' out... ♪
尼...不行 N-- No.
操!我不想说 Fuck! I don't wanna say it, man. I don't wanna say it.
很好 你不该说 Good. You shouldn't wanna say it.
但是代表德瑞博士和他的公司 感谢你购买他们的专辑 But on behalf of Dr. Dre and company, thank you for buying this shit.
嘿 迈克 说明一下 不管什么时候 听嘻哈 我都不会说这个词 Hey, Mike, for the record, whenever I listen to hip-hop, I never say it, bro.
是吗?那你什么时候说? Really? When do you say it?
- 好了 朋友们 该翻篇了 - 杰克! - Okay, guys. Come on. It's over. - Jack! Jack!
- 该死 - 该死 - Oh shit. - Shit.
- 该死 杰克 - 那他妈的是什么? - Shit, Jack. - The fuck was that?
我不知道 但它应该是死了 I don't know, but it's dead.
那家伙在做什么? - What's that guy doin'?
老天啊 我想那就是他 Holy shit. I think that's him.
谁? Who?
- 艾德·卡梅隆 - 不是吧 - Ed Cameron. - Nuh-uh.
你在开玩笑吗? - You fucking kidding me? - No.
你要去哪里?回来 Where you goin'? Get back in the car.
你好 Hi.
你好吗? How you doing?
不好意思 那个犰狳是你的吗? Uh, excuse me. I'm sorry. Was that your armadillo?
现在是了 It is now.
来自高速公路的馈赠 - The highway provides. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
等等!
也许这问题有点突兀 This, uh, might seem like a weird question,
但你会不会是艾德·卡梅隆? but you wouldn't happen to be Ed Cameron, are you?
你是谁? Who's askin'?
杰克·凯利 Oh. Jack Kelly.
我们专程过来跟你谈谈 Uh, we were just coming up here to talk to you.
你们不会是一群死基佬吧? You ain't a bunch of fags, are you?
嘿 卡拉 Hey, Cara.
- 对 - 嘿 - Yeah. - Hey.
- 不好意思 再见乔安娜 - 一会儿再说 亲爱的 我们走了 - Sorry. Bye, Joanna. - I'll catch you later. Sweetie, let's go.
我就在想今天能不能碰见你呢 I was hoping I was gonna run into you today.
第二孕期感觉怎么样? How's the second trimester?
比怀奈特的时候要辛苦一些 You know? It's harder than it was with Nate.
是吗?我看出来了 你看着脸色不太好 You know what? I could tell. You're looking a little peaked.
你还锻炼吗? - You still working out?
是的 Yeah.
我是想跟你聊聊 布兰妮的宝宝派对的事 Uh, I was gonna talk to you about Britney's baby shower.
我在想我们可以... - And I was thinking we should-- Oh!
科林 你小心点 莉亚阿姨怀着宝宝呢 Hey, Colin. You have to be careful, okay? Auntie Leah's got a baby in here.
你好啊 宝宝! Hi, baby!
科林!你不能这么做 明白吗? Colin! You are not allowed to do that, do you understand me?
他确实精力有点旺盛 Hey, hey! He's got a little extra energy.
但这不意味着你可以吼我的孩子 That doesn't give you the right to scream at my child.
我只是在保护我自己 I was just trying to protect myself.
他只有五岁 他什么都不懂 He's five years old. He doesn't know any better.
不懂不应该教他吗? Don't you think he should?
你的意思是我是个糟糕的母亲? Are you calling me a bad mother?
你可以说成 我觉得你的教育方式很特别 You could say I think your parenting techniques are interesting.
在家分娩 不是无痛 4%的体脂率 Home birth, no epidural, 4% body fat.
货真价实的成果说明一切 The proof is in the pudding.
也许你吃点货真价实的东西 Maybe if you occasionally ate some of that pudding,
就不会有这么没料的奶子了 you wouldn't have sweat your tits off.
没错 - Yeah.
我等不及要看阿斯彭 恭喜我们找到那个疯子 I cannot wait to see the look on Aspen's face
之后脸上的表情了 when he congratulates us for landing that fucking lunatic.
那老混蛋会把虱子传染给我们的 Fucker's gonna give us all bedbugs.
- 嘿 特拉维斯 - 哟 - Hey, Travis. - Yo.
都已经做成T恤了? Holy shit. They already got him on a T-shirt?
这是打样的版本 但超赞的有没有? Yeah. It's the prototype, but it's pretty fucking sick, right?
昨晚阿斯彭去参加了一个死藤水仪式 So, last night, Aspen goes to this ayahuasca ceremony,
萌生出了一个超有才的想法 and he gets this, like, crazy vision.
梗图 T恤 非同质化代币 Memes, T-shirts, NFTs.
你说的我一个都不懂 I don't know what any of that means.
那家伙绝对是个天才 这次的项目一定会大火 I mean, dude's a crazy fucking genius. This campaign is gonna be fire.
你相信就好 If you say so.
抱歉我迟到了 Hey, sorry I'm late.
康纳 你看 他们已经把那家伙做到T恤上了 Hey, Connor. You see they already got this guy on a T-shirt?
难以置信 Unbelievable.
- 你坐那么远干什么? - 我想坐哪里就坐哪里 - What are you doin' way over there? - I can sit wherever I want.
- 你干嘛不看我? - 不行吗? - There a reason you're not looking at me? - I don't know. Is there?
先生们 Gentlemen.
你们做到了 干得真不错 真的 You did it. You guys crushed it. You really did.
我现在明白 为什么这个公司能存活23年了 I mean, I understand now why this company has been alive for 23 years.
是啊 这些老狗还有些东西在身上的 Yeah, well, guess these old dogs had a little more bite left in 'em
比你想象的多 than you thought.
对 Yeah.
我们还是要谈谈那辆租来的车 We're gonna have to talk about the rental car though.
就保险杠刮蹭了一下 我们有保险的 Ah, just a scratched bumper. We have insurance.
车有保险 但这个没有 We have insurance for the car. We don't have insurance for this.
嘿 问你一个问题 凯特琳·詹纳还留着布鲁斯的屌吗? Hey, let me ask you a question. Did Caitlyn Jenner keep Bruce's dick?
- 放在罐子里吗? - 这从哪儿弄来的? - Like in a jar? - Where'd you get this?
不是 她还长着呢 No, like, she still has it.
是说凯特琳有奶子也有屌 所以才称呼为“他们”吗? Like, Caitlyn has tits and a dick, and is that why you say "they"?
- 我明白你的意思 - 我不是说我会干凯特琳 - I get what you're saying. - Look, I'm not saying I'd bang Caitlyn.
但那绝对是一起看比赛的最佳人选了 But, I mean, tell me that's not a better person to watch a game with.
那可是布鲁斯·詹纳啊 That's fucking Bruce Jenner.
我在想 每隔四年 当夏季奥运会开始的时候 I wonder, like, every four years when the Summer Olympics come up,
谁会是第一个给凯特琳打电话说 who's the first one to call Caitlyn and be like,
“今天想看十项运动比赛吗?” -"You wanna watch the decathlon today?" - Yeah.
我为你们所有人的妻子感到万分抱歉 I feel super fucking bad for all your wives.
特拉维斯 你结过婚吗? Let me ask you something, Travis. You ever been married?
- 没有 - 所以说嘛 - No, I haven't. - Well, there you go.
你怎么不跟海军陆战队 说说打仗是什么感觉? Why don't you go up to a Marine now and tell him what it's like in battle?
是你架的相机吗?你这个该死的探子 Did you set that camera up? You fucking snitch.
不是我 Whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no.
小特跟这个无关好吗? 这是租车公司给我们的 Trav had nothing to do with this, okay? This came from the rental car company.
他们发给我们 想交换我们用户的个人信息 They sent it to us in exchange for all of our users' personal information.
你在开玩笑吗? Are you fucking kidding me?
现在是信息经济了 It's an information economy.
出于免责和安全考虑 他们会录下一切 They, uh, record everything for liability and safety, apparently.
嗯 当我看了这个...我无能为力了 Well, you know, once I saw it... Guys, my hands are tied.
得解放你们了 Gonna have to liberate you.
“解放”我们? 他是要为了这点破事炒了我们吗? "Liberate" us? Is he firing us over that bullshit?
就是一群男人在车里扯扯淡 It's a bunch of guys shootin' the shit in a car.
那不可能是合法的 There's no way that's fucking legal.
在新墨西哥州实际上是的 It is, actually, in New Mexico.
好吧 那我们终止协议 你还是得给我们钱 Okay, fine, so we're terminated. You still gotta pay us.
实际上呢 我们不需要 Actually, we don't.
因为你们的行为 违反了合同中的道德条款 Because your behavior violated the terms of your morality clause in your contract.
道德条款? Morality clause?
他在说什么? What... what's he talkin' about?
所以 你们所有的股权都被清算了 So all of your equity has been liquidated,
汇入到一般基金里了 and it's been returned to the general fund.
搞什么? What the fuck?
你们得马上离开这里 如果你们不介意的话 You have to leave the premises immediately if you don't mind.
- 走吧 - 看啊 抄罚单的来了 - Let's go. - Look. The meter maids are back, huh?
你们就躲在这些人背后 帮他们干这些脏活? You hide behind these guys? Do all your dirty work?
对 他们很优秀 Yeah, they're good guys.
真他妈的难以置信 Un-fuckin'-believable.
百十来斤的大怂逼一个 120 pounds soakin' wet.
哇! - You fucking piece of shit. - Wow!
行了 真不错 老兄 - Come on. - Real nice, man.
- 特拉维斯 你能弄一下吗? - 好的 - Travis, can you get that? - Yeah.
好激烈啊 对吧? Yikes, right?
你也是 特拉维斯 You too, though, Travis. You too.
什么? What?
我没有附和也没有纵容他们啊 I didn't condone anything that was goin' on in the car.
我只是口头... I was being vocally--
什么鬼的... ♪ And shit ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah... ♪
- 那是我家吗? - 对 - Is that my apartment? - Yeah.
♪ Yeah... ♪
你为什么会有这个 阿斯彭? Why... why do you have this, Aspen?
你家电视带摄像头的 你说我为什么会有 You got a TV with a camera. Things could happen.
黄金链子 ♪ Gold all in my chain ♪
黄金戒指 ♪ Gold all in my ring ♪
黄金手表 ♪ Gold all in my watch ♪
别信我 看好了 黑鬼 ♪ Don't believe me, just watch Nigga, nigga, nigga ♪
别信我 看好了 黑鬼... ♪ Don't believe me, just watch ♪
♪ Don't believe me, just watch Nigga, nigga, nigga... ♪
- 贾斯汀 - 拜托 老兄! - Justin. - Come on, man!
阿斯彭 别这样 我就是有点兴奋了 Oh, Aspen, come on, man. I was getting hyped, dude.
我是准备精神昂扬地开启一天的 I was... I was gettin' ready to start my fuckin' day.
我是准备 精神昂扬地开启一天的 老兄! I was gettin' ready to start the day, dude!
到底什么是他妈的道德条款? What the hell's a morality clause?
这是每个商业合同里 都会有的常规条款 It's a boilerplate clause in every corporate contract,
但它被用在这种情况我从来没听说过 but I've never heard it used in the context
在另一个州的一辆租来的车上 偷偷拍摄别人 of secretly filming someone in a rental car in a different state.
你知道我们是什么货色 还让我们三个傻屌 Well, why the fuck would you have us three knuckleheads
去签一个道德条款? sign a morality clause when you know how we are?
你是说你自己什么货色吗? 混蛋 我告诉你 Don't you mean how you are? Motherfucker, let me tell you somethin'.
不是这事也会是其他的 现在因为你的功劳 If it wasn't this, it'd be somethin' else. And now, thanks to you,
我得一直工作到85岁! I'm gonna be working until I'm 85!
这锅我不背 迈克 Oh, you're not puttin' this on me, Mike. You're not puttin' this on me, okay?
23年来 你从来没有失手过 For 23 years, you didn't miss a goddamn thing,
但这次你迫不及待地 给自己买了配置齐全的福特Fusion but you were so hot to trot to get your loaded Ford fucking Fusion,
让我们被人宰割了 you left us exposed.
你是在质疑我的能力吗? Are you questioning my competency?
我是在质疑你的动机 No, I'm questioning your motivation.
伙计们 别这样了好吗? 我们是一条船上的 Guys, come on, okay? We're all in this together.
不再是了 我受够了杰克 你和你那该死的大嘴巴 Not anymore. I'm done with you, Jack. You and your big fuckin' mouth.
别这样 迈克 Come on, Mike.
你为什么不看着我? - Connor, why aren't you lookin' at me?
别管了 我看哪里是我的自由 Don't worry about it, okay? I can look wherever I want.
- 你他妈的是怎么了? - 杰克 我现在没法理你 - The fuck is goin' on with you? - Jack, we can't hang out right now, okay?
将来会有一个时候我们又可以再见面 Just know that there will come a time in the future
但不是现在 好吗?太诡异了 when we will be able to hang out again, but that time is not now, okay? - It's just... It's too fuckin' weird.
你他妈在说什么? The fuck are you talkin' about?
你干嘛不去问问你老婆? Why don't you ask your wife?
嘿 宝贝 Hey, babe.
你是不是试图跟康纳上床? - Did you try to fuck Connor?
什么?你在说什么? - Huh? - What? What are you talking about?
为什么康纳说是因为你 他不想再跟我见面了? How come Connor said you're the reason me and him can't hang out?
- 我不... - 回答我 莉亚 - I don't-- - Answer me that, Leah. Answer me that.
我的天 Oh my God.
卡拉和我在接孩子的时候吵架了 Okay. So, Cara and I got into an argument at pickup, okay?
我说她是个不会教孩子的糟糕母亲 I said she was a shitty mom who couldn't parent her kid.
- 我有没有跟你说过别这么做? - 是的 对不起 - Well, didn't I tell you not to do that? - Yes, yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
我很抱歉 但是... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, but...
你真的认为我会想要跟康纳上床? Do you really think that I would try and fuck Connor?
- 不是的 很蠢的想法 - 拜托 你在... - No, that was stupid. - I mean... Come on, what are you--
- 我有点激动了 - 怎么了? - I'm emotional. - What's going on?
我今天失业了 I lost my job today.
- 什么? - 我今天失业了 - What? - I lost my job today.
- 不会把? - 我们仨 - What? - We all did.
哦 不会吧 亲爱的 发生什么了? Oh no, honey. Oh no. What happened?
我不知道 我... I don't know. I...
我们在出差的路上 说了些乱七八糟的 然后传到公司了 We said some shit on that road trip, and it got back to the office.
你们说了什么? What did you say?
就是你在不知道有人录像的情况下 在租来的车里会说的话 You know, stuff you say in a rental car when you don't know you're bein' filmed.
我能猜猜吗? Can I guess?
最好不要 I'd appreciate it if you didn't.
没那么糟 It wasn't that bad.
重点是我让你和孩子们失望了 Look, the real point is, you know, I let you and the kids down,
现在奈特也去不了私立学校了 and now Nate can't go to private school.
我很不好受 我会想办法... I feel terrible about that. I'm gonna figure out a way--
不 你知道吗?奈特必须去私立学校 No. You know what? Nate is gonna go to private school.
我不在乎我们的房子有四份按揭 我得每天工作 And I don't care if we have four mortgages on the house and I work every day
直到羊水破了 但是我们的儿子不能落后 until my water breaks, but my son is not gonna get left behind
就因为他的父亲 只有两岁小孩的自控力 because his father has the self-control of a two-year-old.
这不是自控力的问题 是隐私权 但... It's not self-control. It's a right-to-privacy issue, but...
亲爱的杰克 过去的几个月像是永恒那么长 Dear Jack, these last months have felt like a fuckin' eternity, man.
我想你 I miss you.
我想念我们的兄弟情谊 I miss our brotherhood.
为了共同的目标一起奋斗 同甘共苦 还有互相取笑 The fighting for a common goal, the camaraderie, the ball-breaking,
虽然总是我吃亏 even though it was often at my expense.
詹纳准备掷了 飞起来吧 Jenner into the spin. Lets it fly.
布鲁斯·詹纳获得了金牌! Bruce Jenner has won gold!
成为潮流 不需要懂潮流 You don't have to know what's going on to be what's going on.
艾德·卡梅隆系列 - The Ed Cameron Collection.
迈克还在撑着 - Mike is hanging in there.
他在一家中型公司 工作也不错 而且我觉得他真的开始接受 You know, he's got a good job at a mid-level firm,
再次做父亲这件事 and I think he's really comin' around to becoming a father again.
而且他看起来是开心的 但你知道迈克这个人 And he seems happy, but... Well, you know Mike.
他不怎么说出来 He's not a big talker.
没有工作的日子不好过 Being unemployed hasn't been easy.
但是我一直在看 这个叫乔尔·欧斯汀的人 But I've been watching this guy Joel Osteen a lot.
老兄 一旦你不去管上帝那些 你会发现这家伙有很多正能量的东西 Man, once you get past all the God shit, the guy's got a pretty positive message.
而且他的头发简直美翻了 And his hair is bangin'.
他讲了一个关于三个牧羊人的故事... He told the story of these three sheepherders--
该死 Fuck.
亲爱的杰克 Dear Jack,
我想你 I miss you, man.
你知道的 我从小就被人忽视 As you know, I was a neglected child.
很多时候都在和乐高玩 如果你明白我的意思 而且... Lot of time with the Legos, if you know what I mean, and--
你在干什么? What are you doing?
没什么 就是... Nothing. It's just...
就是... It's... it's...
就是随手写几句俳句 就很... Just knockin' off a little haiku. It's...
没什么意思的 It's stupid. I...
我们去睡觉吧 好吗宝贝? Let's go to bed, right, babe?
我好累 I'm so tired.
(无主题主题派对)
请慢用 Here you are.
- 谢谢 - 谢谢 - Thank you. - Thank you.
- 杰克! - 嘿 - Jack! - Hey.
很棒的派对 大家似乎都很开心 I mean, great party. Everybody seems to be having a blast.
谢谢 - Oh, thank you. - I have to commend you.
我得夸夸你
你预想到了任何派对的主题 Having the foresight to see that any party theme decided upon
如果是由一个白人为主的群体决定的 就会自带偏见属性 by a predominantly white committee would be inherently biased...
你的成长真的让我好欣慰 Well, your growth really makes my heart smile.
我也是听大家的 Oh, well, I was just listenin' to the group.
谁能想到 办一个庆祝白人不伤害任何人的派对 Hey, who knew throwin' a party celebratin' white people not hurtin' anyone
会变成一个那么受欢迎的事情? would actually be a big hit?
我也有点惊讶 恭喜你 杰克 I'm a little surprised too. Congratulations, Jack.
谢谢你 L博士 Oh, thank you, Doctor L.
记住 衡量这个派对的真正标准 是它能为孩子们做些什么 But remember, the real metric for the party is what it does for the children.
(小小心灵 三万美金)
祝你好运 Good luck.
谢谢 Thank you.
好运 Godspeed.
嘿 你知道吗?别听她的 Hey, hey. You know what? Don't worry about her.
没错 下一个拍品自动就会卖出去 Yeah, you're right. This next item is gonna sell itself.
如果不行 我们还可以拍卖一些我们的首饰 If it doesn't, we can always auction off some of our dumb jewelry.
听着 你只需要集中精神 Listen, you just need to focus, okay?
- 好的 - 想想奈特 - Right. Right. - Think about Nate.
展示你那个 You know, turn on that charm
每天都让我后悔爱上的该死的魅力 I so deeply regret falling in love with every day.
你会一如既往地成功的 知道吗? You're gonna bring it home, like you always do, right?
- 好的 - 康纳给了我一张条子 - Right. Right. All right. - Oh, uh, Connor gave me a note.
实际上是他叫别人交给我 再让我给你 Actually, he gave someone else a note to give to me to give to you.
不知道怎么回事 I don't know.
你会很棒的 我相信你 You're gonna be great. I know it.
- 我爱你 - 谢谢 - I love you. - Thank you. Thank you.
亲爱的杰克 情况很糟糕 但我永远支持你 兄弟 Dear Jack, this situation sucks. But I'm here for you, bro.
我想多写一些 但这些小熊软糖开始起作用了 I'd write more, but these gummies are starting to kick in.
你在干什么? - What are you doing?
这个啊 妹子 还记得以前那会儿吗? 怎么样啊 妹子? Doin' this, girl. Ah, remember that? The old days? What? Girls.
哦...!
好了 女士们先生们 提醒一下大家 All right, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, just a little quick reminder.
我们的无声拍卖只剩下45分钟了 There's only 45 minutes left in our silent auction.
还是有很多时间 可以拍一些非常棒的物品 That's still plenty of time to bid on some incredible items,
包括你们的孩子做的艺术品 including artwork created by your own children
来为学校募资 to raise money for the school.
(蚱蜢班艺术展)
这可不是利用童工哦 是做好事 我说得对吗? It's not child labor if it's for a good cause. Am I right?
现在来看看这个L博士的计数表 All right. Now, if we look at the Doctor L-O-Meter,
我们正一步步迈向 我们的三万美金的目标 we are inching towards our goal of $30,000,
所以下面我们将进行现场拍卖 which brings us to the live auction.
下一件拍卖品非常的特别 The next item we have up for bids is something very special.
我知道你们在想什么 I know what you're thinking to yourself.
你们在想 “杰克 什么东西能胜过阿黛尔演唱会 You're thinking, "Jack, how the heck are you gonna top two floor seats
两张论坛体育馆楼下座的门票?” to see Adele at The Forum?"
女士们先生们 你们最好先拿好手上的牌子 Well, ladies and gentlemen, you better have those paddles in your hands
因为我马上就要宣布了 'cause I'ma tell you something.
我们要拍卖的是...做好准备 We are about ready to bid... Get ready for this.
我们要拍卖的是完整不间断的两小时 We're about ready to bid on two hours of uninterrupted,
与独一无二的 路易·史密克尔·特纳博士 one-on-one time with the one and only
面对面交流的机会! Doctor Lois Shmieckel-Turner!
是的 她就在那里! - Yes, there she is!
花两个小时来获取一生的教育经验 Two hours to glean an entire lifetime of parental knowledge
来自南加州顶级教育专家之一 from one of Southern California's leading educators.
太疯狂了 他们告诉我起价是一千五 Now, this is crazy to me. They told me to start this bidding at $1,500.
但我不知道怎么了 But I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.
老杰克今晚有点上头 Old Jackie boy is feeling a little bit crazy tonight.
既然我在这个 “无主题”主题派对玩得这么开心 I don't know, but since I'm having so much fun at this "no theme" theme event
那么我得发一点小疯了 that I'm gonna get a little crazy here, people.
我的起价不是一千五 I'm not starting the biddin' off at $1,500.
而是两千美金! I'm gonna start it off at $2,000, huh?!
没错!谁要跟我一起玩呢? Yeah! So, who's gonna have fun with me, huh? All right.
我听到两千一了吗? 谁出了两千一?在那边 Do I hear $2,100? Who's got 21? I got $2,100 right there.
两千一 有两千二吗?是谁? $2,100. Do I hear 22? 22! Who's got 22?
布莱恩·多德森！胖胖布莱恩 不是取笑你哦 你看起来很棒 Brian Dodson! Big Brian. Not body-shaming. You look fantastic.
天啊!女士们看看这位男士 我知道他已婚了 但你懂的 My God! Ladies, look at this guy. I know he's married, but you know,
稍稍打量一眼无伤大雅 little side glance won't hurt you.
我听见两千三了吗?谁出了两千三? Do I hear 23? Who's got 23?
乔安娜·威尔克森 她需要一个能当私人助理的保姆 Joanna Wilkerson, who needs a nanny who's also a personal assistant,
如果你们有推荐的话 if you can help out.
好了 两千四 我需要两千四 谁出两千四? All right, 24. I need 24. Who's got 24? 24?
布莱恩·多德森!又是我们的布莱恩 Brian Dodson! Back to Big Brian.
我的天!今晚很激烈啊 Oh my God! We've got a dogfight going on here.
但我最喜欢激烈 And I'm jumping right in the middle of it.
我不叫两千五 我不叫两千六 两千七 两千八 I'm not going $2,500. I'm not going 26, 27, 28.
我要坐电梯直达顶楼 I'm taking the elevator up to the penthouse.
我要叫三千! I'm going $3,000!
耶! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
三千美元宝贝们!谁要加入? $3,000, baby! Who's coming with me?
谁要出三千二?让我听见三千二 Who's going $3,200? Let me hear $3,200. 32.
三千二 很棒的数字 OJ·辛普森 白人吓死了 Thirty-two. Great number. OJ Simpson. OJ Simpson scaring the white people.
好的 马库斯·艾伦 谁出三千二?来吧 All right. Marcus Allen. Who's going $3,200? Come on.
好吧 老杰克有点太疯狂了 那么三千一如何? All right. Old Jack, you got a little too crazy. How about $3,100?
三千一 谁出三千一? $3,100. Who's got $3,100, huh?
三千一? $3,100?
拜托各位 我看停车场上可是停满了特斯拉哦 All right. Come on, people. I saw a lot of Teslas in the parking lot.
因为你的车很安静 不代表你也不能出声 Just 'cause your car's quiet doesn't mean you have to be.
3100美金 - $3,100.
真的吗? 你们想看我用三千把它带走吗? Really? You're gonna let me walk with this for $3,000?
因为我就告诉你了 我会的 'Cause I'll tell you right now. I'll take it. I will take it.
三千?三千一次 三千两次 $3,000? $3,000 going once. $3,000 going twice.
三千?最后一次 $3,000? Final time!
成交给杰克·凯利! - Sold to Jack Kelly!
我真想杀了我自己 I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
嘿! 老杰克!
耶!杰克·凯利! Yeah! Jack Kelly!
这一阶段的拍卖到此结束 All right. That concludes this portion of the auction.
我们还剩下一些拍品 We only have a few more items left to bid.
拿好你们的牌子 我们还有目标要实现 Please hold onto those paddles. We're gonna get to our goal, all right?
玩得开心 继续喝 Have a good time. Keep drinking those drinks.
我一会回来拍最后几样东西 I'll be back in a few moments for the last few items.
玩得开心 All right. Enjoy yourselves.
杰克 Jack.
感谢你慷慨的捐赠 I must thank you for your generous donation.
坦白说 我也很惊讶 你愿意花两小时跟我待在一起 And I'm also quite frankly surprised you'd want to spend two hours with me.
是啊 我想我这人就是充满了惊喜 Yeah. Well, I guess I'm full of surprises, huh?
是的 你是的 Yes. Yes, you are,
而且我听说你丢了工作和你的公司 considering I heard that you lost your job and your company.
要渡过这个难关 你和你的家人还好吗? How are you and your family handling this setback?
挺好 Just fine.
因为我们有很多阅读资源可以帮到你 Because we have tons of literature that will help you
帮你渡过 我相信是非常艰难的一段时间 through what I know must be a very trying time.
嘿 听着 L博士 Hey, listen, Doctor L,
你就别假惺惺了好吗?别装了 you can drop the act, okay? Just drop the act.
你拿到我的钱了 All right, you got my money.
所以我想我的孩子 可以有一个很好的推荐书 So now I guess my kid gets a good recommendation,
一切都好了 and everything's fine.
杰克 我希望你不是在影射 你的财务支持 Jack, I hope you aren't insinuating that your financial commitment
可以给你孩子买一个推荐 is going to buy your child a recommendation.
我绝不会那样做的 不会 Oh, I would never do that. No.
杰克 你现在这样 我不会怪你 You know, Jack, I don't fault you for the way you are.
你只是被你这一辈子的特权 蒙蔽了双眼 You're just blinded by a lifetime of privilege.
如果我有特权 我没必要花两个小时 If I was privileged, I don't think I'd have to spend two hours
假装我愿意和你说话了 pretending I wanted to talk to you, now would I?
你说什么? Excuse me?
你听见了 You heard me.
- 我想是的 - 很好 - I guess I did. - Good.
我会在给奈特写推荐书时 把这点考虑进去的 I will take that into consideration when I write up Nate's recommendation.
我信你会的 你就是这么运作的吗? Oh, I bet you will. I bet you will, huh? That's how you operate?
就因为你跟我有狗屁矛盾 就毁掉一个无辜的孩子? Fuck over an innocent child 'cause you have petty bullshit with me?
你们已经开始聊天了 我希望... Hey. You two already started talking.
我希望这不算在我们的两个小时里 I hope that doesn't count against our two hours.
你好 凯利太太 Hello, Mrs. Kelly.
晚安 杰克 Good night, Jack.
你跟她说了什么? What did you say to her?
我什么都没做 她走过来 然后往我伤口上撒盐 莉亚 I didn't do anything. She came over here. She started twisting the knife, Leah.
你对她说了什么? What did you say to her?
你说呢 我说了什么? Of course. Of course. What did I say?
杰克又说了什么? 你能不能有一次替我想想 莉亚? What did Jack say? Can you ever be in my corner, Leah, huh?
我刚用掉了 我们压根就没有的三千块去花两小时 I just dropped three grand that we don't have
跟那个该死的自大狂相处 to spend two hours with that fucking egomaniac.
然后你过来又是那句 “杰克说了什么?” And you come over with, "What did Jack say?"
我只是说了在场所有人想了很久 You know what I said? I said what everybody is already thinking
但没胆量说的话 but doesn't have the fucking balls to say.
很好 你要哭了是吗? Oh, great. Great. Now you're gonna cry, right?
非常好 - Yeah. Great.
你是个混蛋 You're an asshole.
我是混蛋?那我为什么要做这些? Oh, I'm an asshole? Then why did I do all of this, huh?
你生气了是吗?为了什么? 就因为我很诚实吗? What, you're mad? What? What, Leah? 'Cause I'm honest? Huh?
哈 莉亚? - Huh, Leah?
你们他妈的看什么看? What the fuck are you guys looking at, huh?
是啊 我可以像你们一样 Yeah, I could be like you guys.
假装在乎 你们一点也不在乎 Pretending to care. You guys don't care.
你们只想着别给自己惹麻烦 All you're trying to do is not get in trouble.
这就是你们这一代的问题 That's what the fuck is wrong with your whole generation.
好的 婴儿潮一代 Okay, boomer.
是X世代! Generation X!
懒散鬼 Slacker.
给你 Here you go.
哦 老天啊! Oh, Jesus Christ!
莉亚 Leah.
莉亚 开门 Leah, open the door.
莉亚 Leah.
莉亚 快开门 Leah, come on. Open the door.
我知道你听得见 I know you can hear me.
老天! Oh, Jesus Christ!
我会修好的 I'll fix that.
你他妈的有什么毛病? What the fuck is wrong with you?
我有什么毛病?你把我锁外面了 What the fuck's wrong with me? You locked me out.
我知道 你站在这里干什么? I know I did. So, what are you doing standing here?
因为我住这里 'Cause I live here.
杰克 我现在不想在这里看见你 Oh, Jack. I need you to not be in this house right now.
好吧 随便吧 我可以睡沙发 All right, fine, whatever. I'll sleep on the couch.
不 我受够了 我受够你的突然抽风 No. I have had it. I have had it with your outbursts.
我受够了你的无能 你无法预判自己的愤怒程度 I have had it with your... your inability to understand your level of anger
以及这些给我们家带来的负面影响 and the negative effect it's having on our family.
对不起 今晚我是有点走偏了 我只是... Okay, I'm sorry. I got a little sideways tonight. I just--
别说了 No. No. No.
你不能一次又一次地这么做 You don't get to keep doing this over and over and over again, okay,
然后想着道个歉就没事了 因为不会没事 懂吗? and just thinking that an apology makes it okay, because it doesn't, okay?
你今晚他妈的羞辱了我 也羞辱了你的儿子 You fucking humiliated me tonight. And you humiliated your son.
我已经不想再跟你争辩了! And I am past arguing about it with you!
你什么意思? What... what are you saying?
我只需要你离开 杰克 I just need you to leave, Jack.
因为现在我不知道我还想不想 继续和你一起养育我们的孩子 Because right now, I don't know if I even wanna raise my kids with you.
- 好吗? - 老天爷!真的假的? - Okay? - Oh, Jesus! Really?
你真的要做到那份上吗? - Yes! - You're gonna take it to that level?
是的 我真的要做到那份上 杰克! Yes, I'm going to take it to that fucking level, Jack!
- 就因为那些狗屁! - 没错! - Because of that bullshit down there! - Exactly!
我告诉过你会那样的! That I told you was gonna happen! I told you!
我在那边 像个他妈的小丑一样上蹿下跳! And I'm down there dancing like a fucking show pony!
收拾你的行李! Pack your bag!
- 亲爱的 对不起 - 嘿 小家伙 - Oh, honey. I'm sorry. - Hey, buddy.
过来 我们吵醒你了吗? Oh. Come here. Did we wake you up?
妈妈 为什么爸爸要走? Mommy, why is Daddy leaving?
爸爸有很多工作要做 Daddy's got a lot of work he's gotta do, buddy.
你什么时候能做完呢 爸爸? When are you gonna be done, Daddy?
我也不知道 小家伙 Um, yeah, I... I don't know, buddy.
我们回去睡觉好吗? Hey. Let's get you back to bed, okay?
好了 Okay.
该死 Oh shit.
我说了不要洋葱 I said no onions.
不好意思 先生 Oh, excuse me, sir.
你不能在这里抽烟 You can't smoke out here.
那你在干什么? Well, what are you doing?
这是电子烟 Uh, I'm... I'm vaping.
有什么区别? What's the difference?
区别在于 我不会让人 老远就闻到我在干的事情 The difference is people can't smell what I'm doing from ten blocks away.
但我能看到你在干的事情 这叫抽烟 All right. Well, I can see what you're doing. It's called smoking.
所以 你把你的灭了 我就灭了我的 So, till you put yours out, I'm not putting mine out. How about that?
我不想摆什么架子 但是我是这家酒店的老板 I don't mean to pull rank here, but this is my hotel.
汽车旅馆 Motel.
- 什么? - 这是汽车旅馆 - What? - It's a motel.
敞开的院子 连环杀人犯 可以直接走到我的门口来 Open courtyard. A serial killer can walk right up to my door, man.
如果这是酒店 他就得从大堂进来 If this was a hotel, he'd have to go through a lobby first.
就是汽车旅馆 所以你何必装腔作势呢? It's a motel. So, why don't you get off your high horse, huh?
嘿 问你一句 你他妈的有什么毛病? Hey, quick question. Uh, what the fuck is your problem?
我有什么毛病? 我的毛病就是我生活在一个 What's my problem? My problem is I live in a world
有人自己抽着烟的人 却叫别人不要抽烟的世界里 where a guy who's smoking is telling me I can't smoke, all right?
简而言之 那就是我的毛病所在 That, in a nutshell, is my problem.
简而言之 这不算是抽烟 Well, in a nutshell, it's not smoking.
什么叫抽烟 伙计? What makes it smoking, buddy,
就是有他妈的烟从你的嘴里出来 is the fucking smoke coming out of your mouth, all right?
快滚吧 不然信不信 我把你丢到那该死的泳池里? So, get out of my fucking face before I throw you in that fucking pool?
我不听过分夸张的话! I don't respond to hyperbole!
- 很好 我不知道你在说什么 - 你想挨揍的话就继续说吧 - Good. I don't know what that means. - If you want an ass-kicking, keep talking.
“过分夸张”! 真是跟酒店一样高级的词汇呢 Oh! "Hyperbole"! I got big hotel words.
两位女士 哇 这是在干什么呢? Ladies, ladies, whoa. What are we doing here?
今天是个好天 放松点 看看风景 It's a nice day. Relax. Take in the view.
嘿 我能问你一个问题吗? Sweetheart, mind if I ask you a question?
问什么? Yeah, what's that?
你觉得抽电子烟是抽烟吗? Do you think vaping is smoking?
当然 而且它正在毁了这个国家 Oh, absolutely, yeah. And it's ruining this country.
谢谢你 好了 我陈述完了 Thank you. Thank you. There. I rest my case.
还有那些该死的移民 Yeah, and so are those fucking immigrants.
我们还能放进来多少啊? I mean, how many more can we let in?
给我的肚子腾出了点地方 Well, that made some room.
我好期待这个宝宝派对啊 I'm excited for this baby shower.
是不是很高兴 莉亚建议我们男女都请? Aren't you glad Leah suggested we do coed?
- 一定会很有意思的 对吗? - 肯定的 - We're gonna have fun, right? - Definitely.
宝贝 看着我 Baby, look at me.
我知道你很害怕 我也是 I know you're scared, okay? So am I.
但我不能再生活在恐惧中了 But I can't live in fear anymore.
我需要让你知道我的诉求 不然这事没法继续下去 I need you to know what I need, or this isn't gonna work.
我希望不仅是这个孩子 还有我们的关系 都能变得正式 I want us to be official. And not just for the baby but for us.
我爱你 迈克 我想跟你结婚 I love you, Mike. And I want us to get married.
我知道你可能需要一些时间来消化 而且... And I know you may need some time to process this, and...
好的 Okay.
好吗? Okay?
对 Yep.
那你也不抱我一下吗?真是的 Well, can you fucking hug me or something? Damn!
你要去哪里? Where are you going?
不去哪里 就去登记投个票 Nowhere. I'm just gonna go register to vote.
你好!这是我妈妈的电话 她现在不能接听 Hi! You've reached my mom. She's not here.
- 叫他留言 - 请留言 - Tell 'em to leave a message. - Leave a message.
(脑神经科学 凯伦·韦伯 治疗师)
- 满满爱意的熏牛肉 - 好的 - From pastrami with love. - Yeah.
薯条加脆 奥利奥奶昔 Fries extra crispy. Oreo cookie shake.
- 还有根汁汽水 - 谢谢 - And a root beer. - Thank you.
你确定要这样吗? You sure you wanna do this?
没有别的可做了 There's nothing else to do.
- 天啊 我想死这口粉了 - 你从哪里弄来的? - Oh God. I miss coke. - Where the fuck did you get that?
别担心 杰克 Don't worry about that, Jackie boy. I know a guy.
我有人 现在让我们 嗨翻整个拉斯维加斯吧! Now let's go set this neon town on fire!
在拉斯维加斯发生的事 就留在拉斯维加斯 What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, huh?
好的 我们还在波莫纳呢 所以悠着点 Okay, all right. We're still in Pomona, so pace yourself.
你自己悠着点吧 我还有90分钟 You fucking pace yourself, okay? I got about 90 minutes
我老婆就要回家 发现是我妹妹在看孩子 before my wife gets home and notices my sister watching the kids.
所以 有可能是我嗨了 但我不管 So, you know, this might be the coke talking, but I don't give a fuck.
我的兄弟小迈就要结婚了 - My man Mikey here is getting married.
那是什么?就我们仨吧? What was that? It's just us in here, right?
是的 没事的 放松点兄弟 就是路上硌了一下 Yeah, yeah. We're cool. Just relax, man.
就硌了一下! - It was a bump in the road. Just the road! - Whoa! Sh! Sh! Sh!
好的 我没事 Okay. I'm good.
这回你看着他 - You're watching him this time.
♪ Face to face ♪
♪ Out in the night ♪
♪ Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry... ♪
♪ It's the dream of the fight ♪
♪ Watching us all in the eye ♪
♪ Of the tiger... ♪
♪ The eye of the tiger ♪
(拉斯维加斯 棕榈沙漠)
各位 我的脚麻了 Guys, my foot went numb.
我可以开车 要我开吗? Dude, I can drive. Want me to drive?
不可能 No fucking way.
这个坐骨神经痛一旦发作... 你确定你没事吧? All right, man. Once this sciatica acts up...
是的 没关系的 - You sure you all right with this? - Yeah, it's fine.
我觉得我的运气不错 I'm feeling lucky.
(金泉酒店)
♪ Lady love ♪
♪ Your love is peaceful... ♪
去他的拉斯维加斯 Yeah, fuck Vegas.
那些赌场 都是当年创办哈里伯顿的人开的 Those casinos are all owned by the people who started Halliburton.
看看这里 这里可太棒了 Look at this place. This place is great.
我要输钱 我情愿输在一个美国原住民的赌场里 If I'm gonna lose money, I'd rather do it in a Native American casino.
我喜欢 是的 金钱正义 I like it. Yeah! Monetary justice.
靠 这次的粉不太好 我要去拉屎了 Goddamn, this coke is not good. I gotta take a shit.
- 我们在体育博彩那里碰头吧? - 体育博彩 好的 一会见 - Uh, I'll meet you at the sportsbook? - Sportsbook. All right. I'll see you.
喂 迈克去哪了? Hey, where the hell's Mike?
布兰妮?是我 Britney? It's me.
卡拉 Cara.
别这么惊讶 Don't look so surprised.
布兰妮和我关系很好的 Britney and I are actually incredibly close.
虽然不是那种每天都聊天增加感情 It's not like that kind of thing where we have to talk every day to reinforce it.
哦 当然了 Right. Uh, sure.
我很抱歉我说你不会教孩子了 Um, listen, I'm really sorry that I criticized your parenting.
我太越界了 所以我们能翻篇了吗? - That was a total overstep. - Hmm. So, uh, you know, can we just move on?
我已经翻篇了 我以为你也是 Oh, I did already. I assumed you had too.
我刚翻了 I just did.
快进来 因为布兰妮真的很需要我们 Well, come in, come in because Britney really needs us.
好吧 Right.
哦不! Oh no!
- 不能再下注了 - 嘿 他在这儿呢 - No more bets. - Hey, there he is.
悠着点老大 现在是什么情况? Easy, big fella. What are we doing here?
唐尼 给我换五千块 Donnie, change me out for five grand.
别 你在干什么? Oh, no, no, no, no. No. What are you doing? What are you doing?
没事的 这把肯定赢 It's okay. I'm due.
迈克 你这辈子 就赌博过多少 四次吧? Mike, you've gambled, like, four times in your life, okay?
你他妈的怎么能赢? How the fuck are you due?
好吧 杰克 All right, Jack.
我是个保守的人 I'm a conservative man.
我开四门轿车 有七个安全气囊 I drive a four-door sedan with seven airbags.
我结扎了 但你猜怎么回事? I got a vasectomy. Guess what?
她还是怀孕了 She got pregnant anyway.
然后我丢了工作 公司和退休金 Then I lost my job, my company, my retirement,
都是因为我决定履行我的言论自由 all because I decided to exercise free speech
在他妈的一辆租来的车后座上! in the back of a goddamn rental car!
所以没错 杰克 我觉得我他妈的就要赢了! So, yeah, Jack. I think I'm fucking due!
好的 抱歉 Okay, okay. Sorry.
但你看看整个赌场 迈克 每个人都觉得自己会赢 But look. Look around the casino, Mike. Everybody here thinks they're due.
看那位可怜的女士 她看起来好像在潜水 Look at that poor lady. She looks like she's scuba diving.
嘿 那是阿斯彭·贝尔吗? Hey. Is that Aspen Bell?
不会吧 No fucking way.
天啊 就是他 Holy shit. That is him.
- 跟你说了我要转运了 - 我们走 - Told you my luck's changing. - Let's go.
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I kick it root down I put my root down ♪
- ♪ So, how we gonna kick it? ♪ - ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
- ♪ Yeah, how you wanna kick it? ♪ - ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
- ♪ So, how you gonna kick it? ♪ - ♪ Gonna kick it root down ♪
♪ Gonna break it on down Gonna kick it root down ♪
- 哇 - 糟了! - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Oh shit!
- 抱歉 - 抱歉 - Sorry. - Sorry.
- 嘿! - 嘿 老兄!你好吗? - Hey! - Hey, man! What's up?
操!什么情况? Oh fuck! What the fuck?
你这个混蛋! Yeah, motherfucker!
说话时看着我们 你这个垃圾! Look at us when we're talking, corporate piece of shit!
你惹了不该惹的爹了 朋友 You fucked with the wrong dads, ese.
你在这里 挥霍从我们建的公司里赚来的钱吗? What, are you here pissing away the money you made off the company we built?
你订了套房吗? Did you book a suite, motherfucker?
不是的 我是来做感受力训练的 No, no, no, no. Guys, I'm... I'm here for sensitivity training.
你最好是 因为你是个该死的人渣! You should be. 'Cause you're a fucking dick!
等一下 感受力训练?那是什么? Wait a second. Wait a second. Sensitivity training? What's that?
你们知道美洲原住民 觉得“兽灵”这个词很冒犯吗? Did you guys know that Native Americans take offense to the term "spirit animal"?
你因为卖艾德·卡梅隆的T恤 而惹麻烦了吗? Wait. Did you get in trouble for selling those Ed Cameron T-shirts?
无限期停职了 Suspended indefinitely, actually.
我觉得这是千禧一代的“炒鱿鱼” - I think that's millennial for "fired."
怂逼混蛋就是这个下场! That's what happens to punk motherfuckers!
真讽刺啊! How ironic!
无缘无故被炒鱿鱼的感觉怎么样? Yeah, how'd it feel to get fired for absolutely nothing?
“对你表示感恩!” 太逗了 我的天! "I appreciate you!" Oh boy. Oh my God!
- 怎么回事? - 天啊! - What's happening? - Oh Jesus!
该死的推特 他们把我曝出来了 Fucking Twitter. They fucking posted me.
好了 冷静点 All right, relax.
他们把我家的地址发在了红迪网上 They fucking put my home address on Reddit.
我女朋友也离开了我 And my girlfriend left me.
对 但你们没看到他脸上的表情 Yeah, but you didn't see the look on his face.
我觉得他不想再跟我在一起了 I don't think he wants to be with me anymore.
相信我 他想的 Trust me. He does.
你怎么知道? How do you know?
因为康纳一直都是那种表情 Because Connor has that look on his face all the time.
- 这说明不了什么 - 肯定有些什么 It means nothing.
我知道这说明什么了 - It has to mean something. - This is what it means.
这说明他们需要我们 他们自己知道 且觉得不安 It means they need us. They know it. It bothers them.
哦 拜托 Oh please.
别问我要建议 好吗? Do not look to me for advice, okay?
我嫁了一个彻底的疯子 I married an absolute lunatic.
你知道他跟一整排的大学生打架吗? Do you know that he tried to fight an entire row of college kids
就在电影院 我们第二次约会的时候 at the ArcLight Cinema on our second date?
还赢了 彻底把我迷住了 And it worked. It totally charmed me.
我允许他摸我的胸了 I let him touch my boobs.
也许我曾经希望得到更多 但卡拉说的对 I guess I was hoping for something more, but Cara's right.
我想男人就是很肤浅很简单的 I think, when it comes to guys, there's just not a lot of layers.
所以我想说的是 So, anyway, what I'm trying to say is
这是你人生中为数不多的 可以让你觉得不负此生的东西 it's one of the only things in life that lives up to the hype.
你在工作中取得的任何成就 都不能跟它相比 I mean, nothing you're gonna achieve in your career can even touch it,
所以如果你对汉娜 是有那种感觉 就该告诉她 so if you feel that way about Hannah, you should go and tell her.
因为生命中唯一重要的事就是 你是否爱某个人 以及他们是否爱你 'Cause the only thing that matters in life is if you love someone and they love you.
只有那些是重要的 还有你的孩子 That's all that matters. That and your kids.
老天!看她那屁股 Jesus Christ! Look at the fucking ass on her.
我的天!没错 Oh my God! Yeah.
好了，迎接周二晚上的美刀吧 All right! Let's get those Tuesday night dollars coming.
跟我来 - Come with me.
不用了 谢谢 我挺好的 Oh, no, thank you. I'm... I'm good.
你朋友可不是这么跟我说的 他花钱买了两段舞 That's not what your friend told me. He paid for two dances.
在拉斯维加斯发生的事 就留在拉斯维加斯 亲爱的! What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, baby!
老兄 我们在棕榈沙漠! We're in Palm Desert, buddy!
你妈妈才在棕榈沙漠 怂包! Your mother's in Palm Desert, you pussy!
没错! “你妈妈才在棕榈沙漠 怂包!” Yeah! "Your mother's in Palm Desert, you pussy!"
兄弟!我跟他不熟哦 My man! We're not friends.
来吧 Come on.
嘿 下一个到你 潮男! Hey, you're on deck, haircut!
你给我克制一点 安静点 I need you to bring that energy way down.
没关系 真的 他没什么问题 兰迪 It's okay. Really. He's cool. He's cool, Randy.
没关系 兰迪 我不搞事 Yeah, it's okay, Randy. I'm cool.
来吧 Give me some.
击一个! Pound it out!
兰迪! Randy!
不好意思 Aw, I'm sorry about that.
没事 Oh, that's okay.
如果我是他 我也会被吓到的 I mean, if I were him, I'd be intimidated by me too.
是的 你确实很健硕 Oh, yeah. You are in great shape.
是吗?谢谢你 我练得很凶 你的身材也不错 Oh, yeah? Thank you very much. I work hard at it.
你的皮肤很棒 You're in great shape too. You have awesome skin.
谢谢 Thank you.
你几岁了? How old are you?
这我不能告诉你 Aw, I can't tell you that.
你觉得我几岁了? How old do you think I am?
-49岁 -什么? - Forty-nine. - What?
你怎么知道的? How do you know that?
脖子 The neck.
"爆女"泰勒正在主舞台上 Tyler "Blam," up on the main stage.
感觉如何? How you doing?
之前我精神崩溃了一下子 I think I had a nervous breakdown earlier,
不过现在没事了 but I'm cool now.
那可真是太可怕了 Aw, that's hella scary.
不过别担心了 老爹 Well, don't worry, Daddy.
别叫我“老爹”好么 Just don't call me "Daddy."
- 你想让我叫你什么? - 叫我迈克吧 - What do you want me to call you? - Call me Mike.
那太无趣了 That's no fun.
我要叫你大家伙迈克 I'm gonna call you Hella Mike.
大家伙迈克 Mmm. Hella Mike.
这地方真差劲 我看着可不像49岁 我像吗? Fuck this place, man. I don't look 49. Do I look 49?
像47岁 Forty-seven.
操你妈! Man, fuck you!
看见那边那家伙了吗? 那才是49岁的样子 See that guy over there? That's a 49-year-old man.
我跟你说 Let me tell you something.
你绝对想不到 我像你那么大的时候有多厉害 You have no idea how awesome I was at your age.
我同时和两个小妞交往 I was dating two chicks at the same time,
她们都叫艾米 而且互相认识 both of them named Amy, and they knew about each other.
她们一点不介意 快乐地一起共享我 And they loved it. Happy to share me.
以前我随时都可以 跟我的哥儿们出来玩 I used to hang out with my boys whenever I wanted, man.
想吃什么吃什么 喝一整天的啤酒 I could eat whatever I wanted, crush Rolling Rocks all day,
睡觉睡到我彻底恢复精力了为止 slept until I wasn't tired anymore.
有一次在机场 胡利奥·伊格莱西亚斯走过来 One time, Julio Iglesias came up to me in an airport,
非常确定我就是他儿子安立奎 dead certain I was his son, Enrique.
我就是散发出那种光环 兄弟! The fucking kind of vibe I was putting out, bro!
很自然 毫不费力 And it was effortless. It was fucking effortless.
真可笑 That's ridiculous.
我以前是挺可笑的 I was ridiculous.
砸钱吧 伙计们 来吧 Throw those dollars, guys. Come on.
我是大家伙迈克!我真爱这一刻! ♪ Uh, I'm Hella Mike! That's what I like! ♪
♪ I'm Hella Mike! That's what I like, uh ♪
我不知道 I don't know.
我这辈子遇到太多事了 I have faced a lot of stuff in my life.
失去我的家庭这事 比我遇到的任何事情都要可怕 The fear of losing my family is worse than anything I've ever faced before.
我的脑子里一直上演可能发生的场景 My brain just keeps playing out this scenario about what could happen.
每两周的周末见一次我的孩子 You know, seeing my kid every other weekend.
我老婆会嫁给一个整形医生之类的 My wife's gonna be married to some fucking orthopedist.
充满理性的混蛋 Levelheaded cocksucker.
我搞不懂 也许莉亚是对的 Yeah, I don't know. Maybe Leah's right.
也许我真的不适合 Maybe I'm not cut out for this shit.
虽然说我很享受做父亲的感觉 I mean, I love being a dad and everything.
天啊 是她 别出声! Holy shit, that's her. Shut the fuck up!
莉亚!听着 我要为我所做的一切道歉 Leah, hey, hi! Listen, I am so sorry for everything that I said.
什么? What?
等一下 你是谁? Wait, who is this?
迈克!布兰妮来电话了 Mike! Mike! Mike! Britney called.
莉亚要生了 Leah's in labor.
谢天谢地!你可吓死我了 Thank God! Man, you scared the shit out of me.
恭喜你! - Congratulations! - Thank you.
女士们 我兄弟杰克又要当爸爸了 Ladies, my man Jack here is about to become a father again.
- 那真是太好了! - 谢谢 - That's so amazing! - Oh, thank you.
你会是个非常棒的爸爸 You're gonna be such a great dad.
多谢了 I appreciate that.
- 我真为你感到高兴 兄弟 - 谢谢你 伙计 - I'm so happy for you, man. - Oh, thanks, buddy.
她提早了几周 所以我还挺担心的 She's a couple of weeks early, so I'm freaking out.
- 我们快走吧 - 你去吧 - Let's get the fuck out of here. - You go ahead. I'm good.
- 不用管我 - 你他妈的在说什么? The fuck are you talking about?
我不回去 I'm not going back.
我现在是大家伙迈克! This is me now. Hella Mike!
大家伙迈克?是什么鬼? - Whoo! - Hella Mike? Who the fuck is Hella Mike?
大家伙迈克?我看你是喝大了 - Hella Mike? Mike, you're hella hammered.
迈克 家里有事情等着你处理 我相信你能够也愿意去处理好 Mike, there's a situation back home that you can and will deal with
因为你是个顶天立地的男人 because you're a fucking man.
你是个顶天立地的男人 Look at me. You're a fucking man.
迈克 拜托 Mike, come on.
你说得很对 杰克 You're absolutely right, Jack.
我爱你 兄弟 I love you, man.
我也爱你 兄弟 I love you too, man.
嘿 伙计 这是你五分钟里 第三杯鸡尾酒了 你还好吗? Hey, man. Uh, that's your third gimlet in, like, five minutes. Are you okay?
“嘿 伙计”我跟你说 "Hey, man." Let me tell you something.
不要去计算别的男人喝了多少酒 Don't ever count another man's drinks.
还有 And one more thing.
不要结婚 Don't ever get fucking married.
康纳? - Connor?
康纳 搞什么?你没事吧? Connor, what the fuck? Are you okay?
我该怎么办?搞什么啊?我靠! Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do I do? What the fuck? Oh fuck!
糟了! Shit!
- 嘿!我告诉过你别搞事! - 等一下! - Hey! I told you to fucking relax! - Wait!
- 坏了! - 搞什么啊? - Oh shit! - What the fuck, man?
他噎住了! He's choking! He's choking!
啊 该死! - Oh shit! - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- 冷静! - 我们一起的 - Relax! Relax! - He's with us.
该死! - Shit!
我不认识他们! I'm not with them! I'm not with them!
哇!芭芭拉! Whoa! Barbara!
我老婆要生了! - My wife is in labor!
放开我! Get off!
- 嘿 恭喜你当爸爸了 - 你他妈要去哪里? - Hey, congrats on becoming a father. - Where the fuck are you going?
女士们还在跳着 Ladies are still dancing.
康纳! Connor!
小小插曲 不要在意 Don't mind that skirmish.
我跟他们不是一伙的! 告诉他们我们不是一起的! I'm not with them! I'm not with them! Tell them I'm not with you guys!
你还好吗 伙计? - You okay, buddy?
- 你还好吗 伙计? - 我来了! - You all right, buddy? - I'm back!
康纳!该死! - Connor! Oh shit!
嘿! Hey! Hey!
是的 没错!抖音直播 混蛋! Yeah, that's right! TikTok LIVE, motherfuckers!
记录下你们过度使用武力 来对付这些手无寸铁的可怜老父亲 Documenting your use of excessive force on these poor, defenseless dads.
拿下他的手机! Get that fucking camera!
朋友们 快跑! Guys, guys, run! Run!
操!该死的!老天啊! 我就是个无辜的旁观者! Fuck! Shit! Oh God! I am an innocent bystander here!
我们得走了 迈克! We gotta go, Mike!
求你了 放我走! 别碰我!我要尿尿! Oh no! Please let me go! Don't touch me! I gotta pee!
二号舞台的是阿拉贝拉 That's Arabella on stage two.
伙计们 我醉得太厉害了 你们谁能开车? Guys, I'm too hammered. Can either one of you drive?
该死 Oh fuck.
- 好了 - 你们当中最好有人叫康纳! - All right. - One of you guys better be Connor!
- 你是里奇? - 你怎么知道我的名字? - You Richie? - How'd you know my name?
- 哦 上面有写 - 你跟照片不一样啊 - Oh, they say it on the phone. - The picture's different.
先生 你介意我们 把这些高尔夫球杆移走吗? Do you mind if we move those golf clubs out of the back seat?
是的 我介意 Yeah, I mind.
为什么? Why?
因为那是 一整套的李·特维诺 木质杆头 Because they're a full set of Lee Trevino. Wooden heads.
所以你们给我闭上嘴 在前排坐好 So you're gonna shut the fuck up, sit up here in the front seat,
别跟个基佬一样 and stop being such a fucking Mary.
你开心了? Are you fucking happy?
我觉得很好了 走吧 That's good enough for me. Let's go.
老天!我看看你们的目的地是哪里 Jesus! Now, let me see where you guys are sending us.
我的老天爷!纪念医院? Um... Oh, for Chrissake! Memorial Hospital?
那在洛杉矶市区 160多公里呢 老兄 That's downtown LA. It's 100 miles, bud.
我老婆在分娩 她要生孩子了 我们快走吧! Yeah. Yeah, my wife's in labor. She's having a baby. Let's go!
等一下 你多大了? Wait a second. How old are you?
51岁 Fifty-one.
依然宝刀未老啊 You still can fire a shot.
- 很厉害我喜欢 - 谢谢 - That's very cool. I like that. - Thank you.
老兄 你叫的是哪个平台的车? Dude, what rideshare did you call?
- 我可以再叫一辆 - 我听得懂英语 - I could call another driver. - I speak English.
♪ Splish splash, I was takin' a bath ♪
♪ 'Long about a Saturday night ♪
♪ Rub dub, just relaxing in the tub ♪
♪ Thinkin' everything was all right ♪
♪ Then, I stepped out the tub Put my feet on the floor ♪
♪ Wrapped my towel around me I opened the door ♪
♪ And then a splish splash I jumped back in the bath ♪
♪ How was I to know There was a party going on? ♪
砰砰 我看见 一群人在客厅地毯上跳舞 ♪ Bing bang, I saw the whole gang Dancing on my living room rug ♪
噗噗 他们在跳波普... ♪ Flip flop, they was doing the bop... ♪
该死的 这些烂人! Goddamn it, you fucking whore!
真他妈的见缝插针 Ugh! What a fucking sewer.
所以我才离开了这该死的城市 That's why I left this goddamn city.
一个个金发傻缺怀揣梦想来到这里 Every blond-headed dipshit with a dream has to come all the way down here,
给人口交 就为了做他妈的游戏节目主持人 suck dick to host a fucking game show.
里奇 我要错过我孩子的出生了 Richie, I'm gonna miss the birth of my kid.
谁在乎这个啊 伙计? Oh, who gives a shit, bud?
你知道我那该死的孩子出生的时候 我在哪里吗? You know where I was when my rotten kid was born?
我在街上的一家酒吧里 I was down the street in a bar.
喝着啤酒吃着炸蛤蜊 因为我每天都这么过 Having a beer, eating fried clams, 'cause that's the way it went then.
走啊! - Let's go!
里奇 我们能掉个头什么的吗? Richie, can we make a fucking U-turn or something here?
我从36岁开始就想着要掉头了 伙计 I've been trying to make U-turns since I was 36 years old, bud.
做不到啊! Can't be done!
我这辈子犯的最大的错误... I'll tell you, the biggest mistake I ever made in my life was--
你这个基佬混球! - You fudge-packing asshole!
我靠 不止一个呢!请直行! Oh fuck, it's a parade! Please go right ahead!
你上次看见有人在“停”的指示牌前面 停下是什么时候? When is the last time you ever saw one of those bastards obey a stop sign?
你去哪里?等等 Where are you going? Wait.
- 嘿 杰克!你在做什... - 杰克 - Hey, Jack! What are you do-- - Jack. Jack.
我靠 给你打零星 里奇 零星! - Fuck. Zero stars, Richie. Zero stars!
逃兵役去吧 混蛋! Go dodge a draft, asshole!
好主意啊 杰克 Oh, that's a good idea. That's a good idea, Jack.
- 要怎么搞? - 拍照就行了 - What do I do? - Just take the picture.
- 我拍了 - 对 做得好 - I took the picture. Am I good? - You're good.
我要怎么用它? What are they? How do I work these?
就像滑板一样 推一下就走了!是电动的! It's like a fucking skateboard. Just push it. Go! It's electric!
- 上去 - 不动啊! - Get on. - It's not going!
按一下! Hit the thing!
- 按哪里? - 按那个! - What thing? - Hit the thing!
好了! I got it! I got it! I got it!
快点 我们走! Come on. Let's go!
- 你知道我用翻盖手机吧? - 什么? - You know I got a flip phone? - What the fuck?
怎么了?我不想被人追踪我的定位! What? I don't want motherfuckers tracking me!
大哥 没人想知道你在哪里 快上来! Man, nobody gives a shit where you are. Get on! Come on! Come on!
啊 糟了! Oh shit!
小心! Easy!
- 好了! - 老天! - All right! - Christ!
哇!这玩意太棒了 真是太棒了! Whoo! These things are awesome. These fucking things are awesome!
共享道路! Share the road!
冲到最前面! - We're gonna lead! - Whoa! Whoa!
快! Go, go, go!
产科? Maternity? Maternity?
谢谢 Thank you.
杰克? Jack?
干得好 That's a good move.
我错过了? I missed it?
我他妈的错过了 我错过了 I fucking missed it. I missed it.
爸爸! Daddy!
嘿 小家伙 你好吗? Hey, buddy, how are you?
爸爸 我有妹妹了 Daddy, I have a baby sister.
是的 Yes, you do.
你在哭吗? - Are you crying?
一点点 A little bit.
为什么? Why?
因为我搞砸了 小家伙 我搞砸了 'Cause I messed up, buddy. I messed up. I messed up.
没关系 抹点土就行了 It's okay. Rub some dirt on it.
是啊 抹点土对吗? 你是最棒的 小家伙 Yeah, rub some dirt on it, right? You're the best, buddy.
不 你是最棒的 No, you're the best.
杰克 你要整理下你自己 过来看看你的女儿吗? Jack, you wanna pull yourself together and come meet your daughter?
好的 Yeah.
这是给你的 - Hey, I got you these.
她很漂亮 来吧 小公主 She's beautiful. Here. Here, princess.
等一下 你身上都是亮片 别碰她 Just a second. No skin-to-skin with the glitter.
对哦 好吧 Oh. Yeah, right.
莉亚 我知道 你超级生我的气 Listen, Leah, I know you're super pissed at me.
这是应该的 And you have every right to be.
但我想让你知道 我非常爱你 Okay, but I want you to know I love you to death.
很抱歉 因为我 我们之间的关系搞成这样 And I'm so sorry I let things get the way they did between us.
我知道我还有很多要改 但我想让你知道 I know I have a lot of work to do, but I want you to know
我不会让我的情绪问题影响孩子们了 I'm not gonna spread my anger onto these kids,
你也不需要再面对这些了 and you're not gonna have to deal with it anymore.
我会去找人看看的 好吗? I'm going to get help, all right?
我要找个专业人士 I'm seeking help from a professional.
你是在一个脱衣舞俱乐部想通的吗? And you came to this realization at a strip club?
对 Yeah.
是的 Yes, I did.
也许这是我 需要看心理医生的另一个原因 Probably another reason I need to go to therapy.
我约了周二开始 希望能有用 For what it's worth, I got my first appointment on Tuesday.
你很幸运 我们的宝宝都那么可爱 You're really lucky we make beautiful babies.
是的 我能看看她吗? Yeah. Can I see her?
- 可以 - 好的 - Yeah. - Okay.
- 这是你的爸爸 - 你好呀 小公主 - Meet your daddy. - Hey, princess. Hey.
我需要把纸巾拿到你那边吗? Am I gonna have to move the Kleenex to your side of the bed?
应该是吧 Yeah, probably.
看看那双眼睛 Look at those eyes.
嘿 我的天 Hey. Oh my God.
她真漂亮 看啊 She's beautiful. Look at you.
我们给她取个什么名字呢? What are we gonna call her?
- 我在想... - 你的婚戒哪儿去了? - I was thinking-- - Where's your fucking ring?
哦对 可能在我肠子里的某个地方吧 Oh yeah. It's probably somewhere, like, in my lower intestine.
你的婚戒在你的身体里? Your wedding ring is inside your body right now?
- 是金属的 会拉出来的 - 对 - It's metal. It'll pass. - Yeah.
搞什么啊 康纳? What the fuck, Connor?
好了 请去外面说吧 Okay, okay, okay. Let's take that outside.
不是产妇的直系亲属请出去吧 In fact, anyone who is not an immediate member of the family, out.
来吧 Here we go.
宝宝很可爱 You guys made a beautiful baby.
谢谢你 迈克 Thank you, Mike.
所以... So...
关于你们的这次旅行 你有什么要告诉我的吗? Is there anything you wanna tell me about your little trip?
没有 都挺好的 Nope. I'm good.
没有大家伙迈克了 No more Hella Mike.
谁是大家伙迈克? Who's Hella Mike?
我其实并不知道 I don't really know.
但我知道在过去的17小时里 他做了一些人生选择 But I do know that he made some decisions over the last 17 hours,
我并不喜欢那些选择带来的结果 and I don't like how things turned out.
但你只要知道我爱你 还有... But just know that I love you and...
你知道的 新闻里全是疯狂的事情 I mean, you know, there's a lot of crazy shit going on in the news.
我不是在说醉话 我就是... And it's not just the booze talking, but I just fucking...
布兰妮 你愿意给我这份荣幸 成为我的新娘吗? Britney, would you do me the honor of becoming my bride?
迈克尔·贾希姆·理查兹 Michael Jahim Richards.
我不要在医院里回答这个问题! I am not answering that question in the middle of a hospital!
- 是我不对 - 起来!天啊 快起来! - My bad. - Get up! Jesus!
去洗个澡 买个戒指 表现一些诚意啊! Get up! Come on! Take a shower! Buy a ring! Show some effort!
至少带我去一个稍微像样点的餐厅吧 At least take me to Tony Roma's or something.
茹丝葵牛排馆怎么样? How about Ruth's Chris?
我确实喜欢茹丝葵 I mean, I do love Ruth's Chris.
- 我真是受够了你的那些该死的借口 - 这不是借口 卡拉 - I'm just so sick of your fucking excuses. - What? It's not an excuse, Cara.
我是真的很痛苦 但你不会理解的 I'm in actual fucking pain, which is something you can't relate to
因为你用你那冷血动物一般的 冷酷思维全部隔绝了 because you block it out with your cold, reptilian mindset.
你觉得我很冷酷? You think I'm cold?
宝贝 当你张开双腿 Babe, when you open your legs,
我真的能听见东德国歌响起来了 I can actually hear the East German National Anthem.
终于有一点情绪了! Finally, a little fucking emotion!
你是想说你要跟我分开吗? Are you trying to tell me you don't wanna be with me anymore?
不是的 宝贝 No. No, babe.
我只是想告诉你 我不想再这么生活下去了 I'm just telling you that I don't wanna live my life this way anymore.
我不想再害怕你 I would like to be less afraid of you.
不想生活中的每一分钟都是计划好的 You know, and maybe not have every minute of my life scheduled.
我想能够偶尔吃一些碳水化合物 I would also like to eat carbohydrates every once in a while.
说到这个 And speakin' of,
偶尔给我口一个能杀了你吗? would an occasional blow job fuckin' kill you?
说得在理 No cap.
你看到了吗? Did you fuckin' see that?
说得在理!就是说... No cap! No cap! That means...
就是说我说的都对! that means that's true!
好了 康纳 Okay. Okay, Connor.
说得在理! - No cap! No cap!
说明一下 是说你说的“都是真的” For the record, it mean "no lie."
我就是这个意思! That's what I meant! That's what I meant!
哦 真爽 Oh fuck.
这是我每一天当中 最好的时刻 依然是这样 This is the best part of my day, every day. Still.
还更好了呢 And things are better now.
我们把奈特送去了当地的公立学校 We sent Nate to the local public school
在外战老兵协会办了一个超棒的派对 给学校募集了很多钱 and threw a ripper down at the VFW that raised a shitload of money for it.
我知道有些项目比不上私立学校 I'm sure some of the programs aren't at the private school level,
但他们还玩橄榄球 而且 but they still play tackle football,
你什么时候去接孩子都没问题 and you can pick your kids up whenever the fuck you get there.
我们没有去和路易博士聊那两个小时 We never did get our two hours with Doctor Lois.
后来 我们发现 她挪用了我们给学校筹的钱 Turns out she was embezzling all that money we raised for the school
用来还她自己的债 to keep her creditors at bay.
不过归根结底 她是个白人女性 But at the end of the day, she's a white woman,
所以不会坐牢的 so she's not going to jail.
她可能还会出书呢 She'll probably get a book deal.
与此同时 那个疯癫的艾德·卡梅隆终于想通了 Meanwhile, that crazy Ed Cameron finally figured himself out.
他出柜了 He came out of the closet
最后还跟《犹大祭司》里 那个可爱的老头结婚了 and ended up marrying the cute old guy from Judas Priest.
迈克起诉了三连胜的老板 告他们年龄歧视 Mike sued the owners of Trifecta for age discrimination,
我们拿回了一些股权 and we got some of our equity back.
康纳花光了积蓄去做了颈部提拉 Connor blew his share on a neck lift.
很好! Nice!
生活里一切都挺好 我也一直在看心理医生 在努力着 Life is good. And I've been in therapy, doin' the work.
莉亚说她看到了显著的变化 Leah says she's seen a noticeable change.
我不会像以前那样那么容易被激怒了 I don't let things get to me the way they used to.
不好意思 先生 Excuse me. Sir.
你真的觉得这样很明智吗? You really think that's smart?
胸前拴着一个婴儿 还在那里扔球? Throwin' a ball around like that with a baby strapped to your chest?
我还真没想到 You know what? I didn't even think of that.
谢谢你告诉我 感谢 Thank you for that information. I appreciate it.
不客气 Yeah, absolutely.
祝你今天愉快 Have a nice day.
大混蛋一个 Fuckin' asshole.
♪ I think I'm sophisticated... ♪
来吧 小伙计 好球 Come on, buddy. Nice throw.
天啊 你还好吗 伙计? Holy shit. You all right, buddy?
走走就好了 Just walk it off.
♪ I think I'm sophisticated ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm living my life Like a good homosapien... ♪
好了 我们试一下一次来十个 All right, let's try to get ten in a row here.
很疯狂 是吧? That was crazy, huh?
♪ Everybody's multiplying ♪
♪ And they're walking round Like flies, man... ♪
好球!你来吧 Nice throw! Nice throw! There you go.
♪ Sitting in their cages In the zoo, man... ♪
又一个好球 来了 Another nice throw. Right here.
球传到一垒! Gets the ball over to first base!
♪ I am an apeman ♪
♪ I think I'm so educated And I'm so civilized ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a strict vegetarian ♪
♪ But with the over-population And inflation and starvation ♪
♪ And the crazy politicians ♪
♪ I don't feel safe in this world No more ♪
♪ I don't want to die in a nuclear war ♪
♪ I want to sail away to a distant shore ♪
♪ And make like an apeman ♪
♪ I'm an apeman, I'm an ape apeman No, I'm an apeman ♪
♪ I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voodoo man ♪
♪ No, I'm an apeman ♪
♪ 'Cause compared to the sun That sits in the sky ♪
♪ Compared to the clouds as they roll by ♪
♪ Compared to the bugs And the spiders and flies ♪
♪ I am an apeman ♪
天啊 Oh, Jesus.
老爹们